Fangtastic Fashions-What Not to Wear!

November 23, 2009


Now welcome back, all you clever little humans!  Clearly you’re clever enough to realize the value of my advice – I mean, some people would kill for this opportunity!  Indeed, some already have.. But anyway!  What shall we discuss this week, I hear you clamoring!  I feel that the issue of evening dress must be addressed, if you’ll excuse the pun.. which you will.

Working at Fangtasia is amusing to me, not only because I see all you funny little humans in such thrall to us – like little pets! – but for some of the simply hideous articles that you deem acceptable to own, much less wear in public!!  I mean, I see these ‘fangbangers‘, in their leather and chains, which I can excuse… I have many similar items myself, for work-obviously, and I find it flattering that you all attempt to emulate me, even while knowing that you’ll never have the style or panache that I do.  I must admit however, that a small, almost minuscule part of me admires your attempt.  You must simply realize that leather is not forgiving to many figures, and it takes a certain style to pull it off.

I would like to turn my attention to the residents of Shreveport and Bon Temps who choose to avoid the fangbanger style, and select their own, unique fashion path.  Although, in all truth, I shudder to call it ‘fashion’!  Fashion to me is classic, elegant, and bold.  What is the point of going out at night if you aren’t making the absolute best of yourself?  But what do I see from the males – blue denim jeans, with big belt buckles, and t-shirts!  Disgraceful!  Where is the class?  Honestly, some of these men wear the same clothes at night that they would wear to work on road crews, and let me assure you, you do not put on evening wear to sweat!  Something I DO wish Eric would keep in mind.

And the women… where to begin?  At least the majority of female locals make some attempt to dress up, although denim skirts are not suitable evening wear, especially when they are so short you should be nervous in case you drop your purse!  Take Sookie‘s little friend, Tara, for example.  In her day-to-day clothes choices, denim (ugh!) and plain vest tops figure highly, but she did make an attempt to dress up for that engagement party that was held, for the redhead waitress: Arlene somebody.  Well, she put on a dress, but I can’t say I think very highly of red satin, cut so short.  When I was human, we had words for women who wore red!  Still, I have to appreciate that she tried, I suppose.  And she does have a pleasing figure, but she makes so little effort with it, it’s a shame.  Although, as cheap and nasty as her red dress appeared, it was incrementally better than a lot of the other, frankly unattractive females.  Ladies DO NOT wear pants as evening wear.  That is a simple, but useful rule.

Below are some vamp(ire) friends of mine who like, for some unknowable reason, to dress up as Fangbangers. As you can see, they have followed all my little fashion rules and look stunning!

Well Dressed FB

But what are your thoughts, my readers?  Am I too harsh about your kind, or do you think I’m entirely correct?!  Pray tell..

To see past columns, when there are any, please check out the archives!

Disclaimer: This column is  provided for entertainment purposes only and does not reflect any actual criticism of the costumes worn on True Blood.  This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement.  Fangtastic Fashions and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.


Welcome to Fangtastic Fashions!

November 6, 2009

Fangtastic Fashions 2

Hello to all you droll humans, and welcome to my new little column here on! I’m Pam, and I’m going to help you with all your fashion queries and problems you may be having – and they are huge judging from what I see walk through the door at Fangtasia!  I have fantastic taste, even if I do have to say so myself! Being surrounded by men, and well, poor little Ginger who refuses to take my fashion tips is so frustrating! Men so rarely understand the fine points of fashion and especially not 1000 year old Vikings!  Why just last week Eric had brown socks on with his black pants!  ::Shudders:: Luckily for him, he does recognize my expertise and usually listens to my suggestions.  I picked out that stunning little number he wore to visit the Queen, a real winner wasn’t it?

If any of you humans have visited Fangtasia, you’ll be familiar with me… I’m the drop dead gorgeous blond who’s dressed to the nines that decides if you tastey enough to come in and party!… or not…. and if you’ve visited, you’re now in my vault.. along with whatever foolish human fashion choices you’ve made.  Oh yes, I mean you Betty Sue Fortenberry and your too tight plaid cotton hip huggers and horizontal stripped shortie tee with your hips bulging out over the sides.  It takes all sizes to make up the world but you need to dress for success not the circus!

I’ve decided to start this column to discuss the fashion that I see, in Shreveport and in Bon Temps and let everyone know what the rage in Europe is where I go to do all my shopping!

Obviously, if you’ve seen me at work you’ve seen my work clothes.  They’re very different from my everyday wear, but Eric says we have to dress up – it attracts the tourists,  just like you!

Now, this little note is just to say hello and let everyone know what’s coming up… I’m happy to answer all your fashion questions and comments, and I’ll discuss the fashion tastes of my friends and acquaintances.. Eric, Bill, Sookie… and anyone else that grabs my fancy.

In fact, speaking of Sookie, she is one succulent little morsel that I would love to have for a makeover!  In particular, her work uniform is just awful!  Obviously we all have to dress for work, but at least Eric doesn’t make me wear a tacky little tshirt with ‘Fangtasia’ splashed over it… Perish the thought!   I think I’d rather die again than be forced into something so low class! And don’t even get me started on the shorts and ‘sneakers’ that she wears… I mean, I’m on my feet all night, and there’s nothing I love better than a gorgeous pair of pumps just like the lovely ones shown at the top of the column which I ruined chasing after that menaed!  They were made by Betsey Johnson and are called ‘Risky’, a lovely name to go with an even more delicious d’Orsay Pump. With the creativity and streak of cruelty needed to make these wonderful shoes you just know she’s one of us, don’t you? And even you little people can buy them for a mere $120 and I don’t want to hear any whining either about the pain of wearing them OR paying for them. After all, dear humans… Like all worthwhile things, Beauty is Pain!!

So start writing your questions and comments and send them in.. I don’t like be be kept waiting…

To see past columns, when there are any, please check out the archives!

Disclaimer: This column is  provided for entertainment purposes only and does not reflect any actual criticism of the costumes worn on True Blood.  This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement.  Fangtastic Fashions and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.


Ten Reasons Why We Love Vampires!

November 4, 2009

true-blood-close-upVampires have always been a popular genre, from the days of Nosferatu,  Dracula, Anne Rice’s vampires, and right up to the modern day: from the zeitgeist kick started by Charlaine Harris and Stephanie Meyer, right up to cinema’s latest offering, “The Vampire‘s Assistant.”  But what is it that people find so compelling about the subject?  Lets have a look at some of the key programs and characters that have appeared lately…

True Blood has to be top of the list, especially for fans of our website!  Taken by Alan Ball from the hit series of books penned by Charlaine Harris with fans eagerly awaiting the tenth book in the series, this show is now heading into its third season on HBO, which already shows it has massive ratings and critical success in a time where shows have been canceled after two or three episodes.  This is due in large part to the sheer skill and force behind the series – fantastic actors, incredible writing, and extraordinary production values, which all contribute to making this show the massive draw that it is today.

The Vampire DiariesTrue Blood for teens, but don’t let that put you off!  Taken from another set of books by L.J Smith, this is the story of a young girl torn between two brother vampires, one good and one evil… but who will win Elena’s heart?

Kristen Stewart – The female breakout star of Twilight; we get to watch her portray the struggle of a human in love with a vampire, with all the Sturm und Drang of their relationship continuing on in the next release of the installment, New Moon, which is released on 20th November…

Lesbian Vampire KillersVampirism’s answer to the Zombie hit Shawn of the Dead; it hasn’t reached the same heights of success, but has proven to be an cult comedy hit, helping to ‘feed’ the interest in the vampire genre…

Dead and Lonely – a new web series that has just premiered at on the 26th October, revolves around two lonely singles from Los Angeles who meet through, a popular dating website.  The twist in this tale is that one of the singletons not only has a lonely heart, they also have an unbeating one!

Stephanie Meyer – the author of the Twilight saga, and arguably one of the main forces for bringing vampires into the forefront of today’s popularity boom, penned her saga after she dreamt the whole story… A magical start to a magical story!

Alexander Skarsgard – This handsome Swede plays Eric, the Sheriff of Area 5 in Louisiana, the bad boy who also attracts – and is attracted to – Sookie and Bill‘s competitor.  Mr. Skarsgard’s prescence has helped raise the already steamy temperature in Bon Temps. Many fans of the show look forward to seeing the viking vampire and the possible intrigue he will bring on screen.

Robert Pattinson – The male breakout star of Twilight, the reluctant British sex symbol has become the one to watch, pulling in massive crowds eager to see him play Edward Cullen, Bella’s vampire lover.  Not too shabby for the boy who first became known through a supporting part in the Harry Potter films; its from one set of blockbusters to another for Mr. Pattinson…

Anna Paquin – The embodiment of Sookie Stackhouse, Anna is the heart of True Blood, relatable and a touchstone of reality in the fantastic world of Bon Temps.  Although not without skills and talents of her own (most significantly, telepathy), she brings courage, humanity, and light to a show, which otherwise may become immeasurably dark and foreboding.  When watching a show like True Blood, its nice to have a character who is experiencing the same wonder and discovery as ourselves, the viewers.

Steven Moyer – Like Tom Cruise managed to do in the 90s, this decade Stephen Moyer, the male lead on True Blood, has infused elegance and gentlemanly regal into his role as Bill.  A vampire who has returned to his birthplace of Bon Temps to live a peaceful life with his human lover Sookie. However, Bon Temps seems to be a place of turbulence and Bill’s desire for peace has been disrupted once again, this time with dangerous consequences for himself as he has been kidnapped by unknown forces. Like Sookie, we all are asking “Bill?”

No matter what type of vampire you enjoy watching or reading, there is plenty of new interpretations and adaptations to satisfy any vampire fan!


(Photo credit:  HBO Inc.)


Ryan Kwanten…DOES NOT Go To The Gym?

October 25, 2009

ryan-kwantenRyan Kwanten of True Blood, is many things; however, high on the list is his extreme fitnessRyan is in simply incredible shape, which he has achieved by NOT going to the gym!

The 32 year-old Australian has led an active lifestyle, which in the past included competing in Triathlons and boxingRyan was state champion in the welterweight division, from the ages of 13-15.  Participating in these sports have left him with a leaner, more natural looking ‘beach body’ effect, compared to the pumped up appearance of someone who purely goes to the gym.

Since moving to Los Angeles, there’s been a change in Ryan’s approach to working out, leading him to do more body weight exercises, such as sit ups, push ups and pull ups.  He also does more interval training and jumps rope, to help with his cardio fitness.  He doesn’t compete in Triathlons any more, but has competed in biathlons in LA, winning it in 2006 and 2007.  He doesn’t believe in using gym equipment for cardio, preferring to run on outdoor trails and the beach.  The variable resistance in this type of exercise ensures that his body cannot grow accustomed to the exercise, which means it burns more fat.

If Ryan has to get extra lean for a particular scene or photo shoot, for 2-3 days beforehand he changes his diet to a ‘paleo diet’, which is mainly based around protein and vegetables, with few refined grains and carbs.  This lessening of carbs means his insulin levels stay stable, which is the key to burning body fat round the clock, as the body cannot use fat for energy when insulin levels are high.

This style of working out, without using a gym, is becoming more popular in Hollywood – it challenges the traditional structure of going to a gym, and keeps workouts more varied and interesting, which makes it easier to stick to a fitness regime.  A trainer who specializes in helping people to achieve this look is Rusty Moore, who has named his technique the Vacation Body Blueprint.  If you want to achieve the fitness of Ryan Kwanten, check out his video and report at:


(Photo credit:


Stephen Moyer Talks About Alexander Skarsgard And Love Scenes

October 22, 2009

425_trueblood_moyer_paquin_skarsgard_lc_080309Stephen Moyer was interviewed recently and answered some questions about his co-stars, Alexandar Skarsgard and Anna Paquin.

A lot of fans would love to see Sookie and Bill end up together, and in a case of life imitating art, Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin have revealed that they are destined for a happy  ending.  After meeting on the set of True Blood, and keeping their relationship secret for quite some time, the happy couple have recently announced their engagement. When asked about keeping the relationship quiet for so long, which is a very low-key, un-Hollywood move, Stephen replied:

“We wanted to make sure that it was for real before anyone else got involved. What if everyone had known and we had broken up? That could have caused a lot of bad tension on the set.”

Luckily, however, Stephen is not the jealous type, as otherwise he’d surely be getting riled up about some of the kissing scenes between his wife-to-be and their handsome co-star, Alexander Skarsgard.

When asked how he felt about the hot love scenes between Anna and Alexander, Stephen responded:

Ha, ha. I have also had hot love scenes with others so it is something we have to deal with. It is part of the job so it is ok. I am actually happy that it is with Alex since I like him so much.

Now being close friends with Alexander, he has nothing but praise for his acting, calling him brilliant, and saying:

“He is a minimalistic actor than can express an avalanche of emotions with almost nothing.”

Along with admiring the acting talent of Mr Skarsgard, he also admires the man enough to count him as one of his closest friends, saying that he is looking forward to Alexander’s impending move from Hollywood to Venice Beach, as it means they will be neighbors and can see more of each other.

An intriguing direction for the writers of True Blood could be explored by Stephen’s suggestion:

“Hopefully I will have to do a love scene with Alex at some point.”

So instead of Sookie and Bill, could fans be encouraged to hope for Bill and Eric?  It’s definitely an intriguing possibility, however we all know Stephen has a wonderful sense of humor.


(Photo credit:  HBO Inc.)


Vampires Would Love This Potential New Energy Source

October 19, 2009

blood-lampNew energy ideas are being explored every day, but few will prove to be as unusual – or controversial – as a single use lamp that runs on human blood.

Considering the rise in interest of vampires and their lore, it is a timely invention designed to make people think about how much energy can affect your day to day life, and how much of an impact it can have, if you could only have energy at a personal cost to yourself.

I wonder how the citizens of Bon Temps would employ this single use lamp – would they save it for a special day, such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, or their birthday, perhaps?  The impact of this invention is heightened by the fact that it is single-use only.  As the designer, Mike Thompson, says:

You have to really decide when to use this lamp because it’s only going to work once,” Thompson said. “So it makes it kind of a poignant moment.””

The lamp is powered by luminol, which is the chemical used at crime scenes to search for traces of blood.  Mike Thompson, English born, but studying in the Netherlands at the time of invention, came up with the idea as he studied for his Masters at the Design Academy Eindhoven.

“It kind of triggered this thought in my mind, that if energy somehow came at a cost to us, then maybe it would make us think differently about the way we use it,” Thompson told LiveScience. The lamp is intended to “challenge people’s preconceived notions about where our energy comes from,” he said, and it forces the user “to rethink how wasteful they are with energy, and how precious it is.”

I can’t help but think that this is an idea which would appeal more to the vampire residents of Bon Temps, which, if this idea became more widespread, could leave the humans sitting in the dark… which may also appeal to the vampire residents.

You can watch a demonstration of how the blood lamp works by clicking on the link here.


Photo credit Mike Thompson, via