Bon Temps Tattler: Hoyt’s Hot Tips!

February 22, 2010 by  

Hoyt’s Hints for Dating newly turned Vampire;

Hello there; my name is Hoyt Fortenberry, recently my mother; Maxine decided to take my personal love life public. She is trying to start a group called Mothers against Dating Vampires, MADV. Really momma you couldn’t have come up with a more original acronym.  If one didn’t know better they would think you’re a mother against doing Viagra. But let’s move on readers.

As I titled this article Hints for Vampire Dating, I will try to give you the reader some helpful tips on beginning and maintaining a relationship with a female vampire. Of course being a male I can only speak on that end of it. But some of these hints may be gender useful.  You may ask yourself how I am such an expert. I’m not. I am a simple man from a small town In Louisiana, who has been dating a newly turned female vampire named Jessica Hamby, a ward now of a Mr. Bill Compton a local vampire here. I met Jessica on a warm summer evening in a small bar. She walked in wearing a bright summer dress. At first glance she looked like any other girl in the bar, maybe a little paler. Jessica scanned the room; she had a nervous almost scared look in her eyes. Seeing an open booth Jessica went right to it and took a seat. I only saw a lovely young woman who was new to the area. I was raised by my momma, Maxine, to always be polite, especially to new people and  women. I walked over and introduced myself, asking if I could have a seat. She agreed and then told me her name. Next she landed the bombshell. She said she was Vampire.  I don’t know still today if I was smitten by her beauty or the fact she was a vampire. I only knew that at that moment I was falling in love with her.

I have never really had a steady girlfriend and I could tell that Jessica had never really had a boyfriend so we stumbled through our initial meeting like teenagers. We’ve been together for a few weeks now and I have learned some things I would like to share with you.

1)       Manners; these are just as important with a Vampire as with a human (maybe more so because if you offend a young female Vampire she may do more than just slap your face.) Treat her with respect.  Some of these newly turned girls may have come from a hard life, be it from the streets of the city or from an abusive home life in their past. Being polite to them will a strong focal point on which to begin.  Open doors for them, say please and thank you. Smile a lot. Let them know how good they look. Just the simple things can take you a long way in the beginning.

2)      Take your date to Vampire friendly restaurants. They will not be interested in Lobster or Steak. They need blood to survive. So look for the True Blood signs on the front of eating establishments and Bars. This will show your date that you are considerate of her needs.

3)      Be careful when you decide to take her home to meet your parents. They may not be as open to Vampires as they appear. In my own case I relate it to Momma’s views. She treated Vampires much the same way as she treated Black people; she was friendly to them in public and made herself sound totally accepting of them. They were fine and she had no problem with either of them, so long as they were not dating her son or moving in next door.

4)      Finally for now, Meeting her maker. This is of upmost importance. For her maker is like her dad, and how daddy’s feel about their little girls is pretty much universal. If you mess with her they will hurt you. I have been fortunate as Mr. Compton is trying very hard to mainstream and teach Jessica to main stream also. Some others may not be so understanding. It will be up to you to use your best judgment. Remember a Vampire bite is just as lethal as daddy’s old shotgun.

I hope these tidbits have been helpful comeback next time when we will discuss Time management; or should I work a swing shift to allow more time for dating.

(Header Graphic:  Kasandra Rose)