Bon Temps Tattler: Interview With a Real Vampire

April 22, 2010 by  

Today is his interview with a national newspaper, which the American Vampire League suggested would benefit all involved. The fiasco at Area Nine caused by the Fellowship of The Sun has the higher ups scrambling for damage control. Knowing the benefits that this will bring to his establishment Fangtasia’s Sheriff Eric Northman has agreed to this exclusive interview for The Tattler.

Tattler: What is your opinion of the Fellowship of The Sun?

Eric: Proves you humans can and always have been vicious creatures, you stand behind the mantle of sainthood but will resort to whatever it takes to achieve your self serving goals, including murder….this Fellowship represents the worst of your kind.

Tattler: Why do you on occasions wear flip flops?

Eric: *Smirks*…..Unlike Pam….I know when to wear my good shoes……

Tattler: Why do you let Pam do your hair?

Eric: *long pause*….If you spent the last few hundred years listening to her whine and bitch…you’d be surprised at what you’d end up letting her do.

Tattler:  What is your opinion on the Vampires Mainstreaming?

Eric: The financial gains does it’s purpose….but tolerating the lesser life forms are very annoying.

Tattler: What is your opinion of Lafayette Reynolds?

Eric: His entrepreneur skills are acceptable….but his flaw is he’s human.

Tattler: How did it feel when Sookie Stackhouse smacked you?

Eric: *Smiles*….It proved she couldn’t ignore me if she tried.

Tattler: What is your opinion of Sam Merlotte?

Eric: He is a Shifter…..need I say more?

Tattler: What is your opinion of Bill Compton?

Eric: *Smirks*….He bores me with his love for these humans….but he is of use to me for now….

Tattler: What does Pam mean to you?

Eric: Pam is my child….we have a connection that is impossible for the likes of you to comprehend.

Tattler: How do you like being Sheriff?

Eric: It has it’s perks…..mainstreaming does have it’s advantages….now you humans are more of use than being a food source.

Tattler: What do you really think of humans?

Eric: *long pause*……I don’t.

Tattler: I heard you lost your maker Godric….how did it feel?

Eric: *Glares….extends Fangs*…..How would your family feel if I drained you human?

The interview was abruptly terminated but your Intrepid Reporter will be back with more interviews and a fresh change of clothes soon! Feel free to leave your comments and burning questions for future interviews with the various supernaturals that are emerging in our new world, brave or not.

(Photo Credit: HBO Inc. Screencaps James Chin)

Header Credit: K. Rose

This column is an unauthorized parody of the HBO TV show True Blood.  There is no relationship between what you see in this column and what will appear on the screen or in the Sookie Stackhouse novels.  This has been presented for entertainment purposes only and the actions, events and answers presented here have nothing to do with any persons or characters real or imagined, living or dead or undead.