Bon Temps Tattler: Maxine Fortenberry Report

December 5, 2009 by  

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Well it’s about time someone wanted to hear someone with a lick of sense!  I would like to first thank the Bon Temps Tattler for requesting my services as a bonafide reporter of this fine paper.  And I give my word that I will report the strange happenings of our town to the best of my abilities and I will tell the truth and as the Good Lord says, “The truth will set you free!”

First of all, I would like to lay all my cards on the table and apologize for the actions of my son Hoyt.  I am sure by now you all know he as been dating a Vampire.  I have tried on my own as a single parent to raise my boy as best as I can but a mother can only do so much.  I tell you this is a mother’s worst nightmare and it has to be stopped.  I know some of you must think ill of me for coming out like this and talking openly about my own flesh and blood, but how can I stop this monstrosity of humans dating vampires if I don’t step up to the plate and do something about it myself. It just breaks my heart to do this but I would not be doing the readers of this fine paper Justice to just sweep this under the rug.  My integrity as a reporter for the Bon Temps Tribune and telling my town the truth is far more important than worrying about what other people think of me.  If I can reach others through my own experience maybe I can save our beloved town from loosing their loved ones to the wicked ways of the vampire.

This harlot my boy is dating has come in and brainwashed my poor boy and taken him from me.  I am quite certain she did some vampire who do Voodoo mind control sex spell to get him to even look her way.   My Hoyt would not look at such trash without some kind of mind manipulation.  And a mother knows her own flesh and blood more than she even knows herself.  This vampire is a shady one I tell you and she hides her evil ways looking all innocent, like she’s this poor Little Orphan Vampire, but I got this Jezebel’s number.  She is nothing but a wolf in sheep’s clothing!  Now she may have gotten past my son with her harlot ways and her fangy smile but she did not get past me.  I immediately noticed she was wearing white after Labor Day.  That just shows me she not only is a blood sucking harlot but she has no class at all whatsoever!  It was probably some manipulative ploy to make herself look virginal and innocent but I saw right through her, yes I did, all the way down to her red shoes!!!!  And there is nothing good that ever comes from a woman that wears red!  It is the color of the beast.

Now all this and my own experience got me to thinking that it is now time to take action as a community and fight this new trend of our beloved ones dating the vampires. We need to take our loved ones back.  We must get them out of the evil lairs of the vampire and home where they belong!  I am starting a help group for our community. Oh yes I am.  I mean someone has to take the bull by the horns and that someone is me, Maxine Fortenberry!

We call ourselves MADV,  “Mothers Against Dating Vampires.”  We will be here for all your trials and tribulations caused by these creatures of the night taking away our loved ones with their vile and ungodly ways!  Vampires should stick to their own kind and we will not back down!  Our mission will be to stop any and all vampires from dating our beloved family and friends.  They WILL leave out loved ones alone after we are done!  They will be sent back to their coffins and stick to their own kind and I will not until that happens will we rest!

Anyone interested in joining us to help in our cause, please do not hesitate to call me ASAP and sign up!  MADV NEEDS YOU!!!!  And don’t forget to come to our bake sale next week at Bon Temps High in support of our cause.  MADV!  Mothers Against Dating Vampires!

Maxine Fortenberry

Do you support Maxine‘s MADV club or are you a fangbanger yourself?  Let others know what you are thinking about this new organization.

(Header Graphic:  Kasandra Rose)

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  • Denise

    You did a wonderful job. I love you to pieces. Keep up the wonderful work.

  • JoAnn

    Brilliant and passionate! Sign me up LOL.
    Congratulations on your appointment. I can’t think of anyone more qualified for the JOB!
    Cheers,
    JoAnn

  • How venomous the ink dribbles from your pen! Splendidly amusing. And that Vampires can be such nuisance to mothers, I never quite imagined!! :))

    -Greetings to the good folks in the neck of your woods-
    Gabriel/Lord Rochester

  • Eva/Maxine

    THAT WAS SO FUNNY!!! Keep them coming!!

  • pbartteacher

    Love the MADV spin on this article. Too funny. Keep them coming.