What’s Cookin! – Louisiana Seafood Fetuccini

November 24, 2009 by  


Lafayette comin’ atcha here.  Youse know that I am an Entrepreneur!  I work on da road crew to keep myself lookin’ hot and SEXAY and line my pockets with a little jingle.  Then at nights I cook at Merlotte‘s bar where all the local necks hang out.  So now I’m branchin’ out and I’m goin’ to be Bon Temps version of da BAM! man.  I mean no one has more Bam! Bam! Bam! than ‘lil ole me!  And I kin cook too! Every week or so I’m going to teach y’all to make food good enough to melt even Nan Flanagan‘s heart. Bon Chika Wow Wow – Appetit!

Louisiana Seafood Fetuccini

Welcome back.  Howyamamaanddem?  Child, I sho hope you all doin’ well.  We done had a scare down in these here parts over da past couple of days.  Since those hurricanes ran up in here over da past couple of years, everybody kind of gun shy, ya heard me?  I know youse remember seeing all dem people in New Orleans after Katrina hit.  Katrina was a real witch, you know what I’m sayin?  She did a serious number on us and nobody here’s gonna forget about her anytime soon.

Well, we nearly had another visitor over da weekend – that being Ida, a hurricane turned tropical storm.  Ida had everybody kinda scared round here.  Everybody in Bon Temps was buying up all da water and canned goods. That crazy-azz Maxine Fortinberry still in her storm cellar I hears tell. Not me – I said I ain’t even much gonna worry my nerves bout that storm.  If she come here, then I was just gonna deal with it then.  Lord knows I done been through a whole lot worse than a little ol’ storm.

Anyway, it’s time to get back down to bidness and that means me bringing y’all some more finger lickin’ grub.  Now here’s a recipe that is easy and tasty – kind of like ya boy!  Jokes – I got jokes – so let’s get to the recipe.


1 pound of crawfish tails or shrimp

1 stick of butter

1 yellow onion (doan let no vampires cut these, we don’t needs no blood in our seafood!)

1 green bell pepper

1 stalk of green onions

1 large can of cream of mushroom soup

½ block of Velveeta (not the super industrial size, hooka use some sense!)


Saute onions, bell pepper and seafood in butter until tender.  I like to do a little dance while my food simmers.  You do what you like, but doing a little jig makes it a heck of lot more interesting and the time flies by.  Next, you want to add a can of cream of mushroom soup and can of water.  Cook until smooth and then add chunks of Velveeta.  Cook and stir until completely smooth.  Serve over fetuccini noodles, angel hair or bowtie pasta.


(Photo credit: http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/01/2e/94/67/seafood-fettucini.jpg)

Graphics Creation Credits: Steven Easterly

To read more yummy Lafayette approved recipes go to the “What’s Cookin‘” archives!

Disclaimer: These recipes are provided for entertainment and culinary purposes only and should be made by ordinary humans only with ordinary ingredients.  This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement.  What’s Cookin’ and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.