Mystery Reporter – Bill and Lorena – Love At First Bite?

August 3, 2010 by  

As the editor of the Bon Temps Tattler I’m so excited to bring this tasty morsel to the readers of  An exclusive interview with the most controversial vampire “couple”, Bill Compton and Lorena Krasiki.    The source of this interview is…a mystery!

Dateline: Unknown

Checking my appearance one last time in the mirror and very pleased with my choice of wardrobe for this once in a lifetime opportunity, I await the arrival of the gruesome twosome.  A single knock at the door announced their arrival.

MR:  Mr. Compton, Lorena…thank you for joining me.  It’s so nice that you two could make it this evening for this exclusive interview.  It’s not often that I have had the pleasure to interview such a handsome couple, either living or dead.  May I ask why you decided to give me such a delightful honor?

BILL: You’re very welcome, Miss….uh, I’m sorry but I do not know your name.  I would hardly call us a couple, far from it, as far as I am concerned.  Lorena is my Maker.  That is the only connection I have to her.  As for why we chose The Bon Temps Tattler and yourself, that will have to remain Lorena and my little secret, but you will be sure to see to it that Truebloodnet receives it’s copy  of the Tattler?…It is my understanding that I have many admirers there [Flashes a charming smile, noticing her Sparkly “TEAM BILL” baby tee] And by the way, I do not sparkle in the sunlight.

LORENA: We are glad to make your acquaintance.  We are far from a first name basis, Darlin’, so you can call me Ms. Krasiki. I have waited a long time for this. William and I have not been around one another for 75 years. I am so glad to be here sitting with William once again. You ARE a lucky one, Darlin’, and by the looks of you, so delicious.

MR: Mr. Compton, I assure you, the pleasure is all mine, and yes, you have many who admire you here in Bon Temps, and I am on the top of that list. [looks Bill up and down as she hikes up her mini skirt, showing her inner thigh, then turns to Lorena with a smile]  As for you….Ms. Krasiki, I really must ask you, why Mr. Compton?  You could have had any man as your eternal child.  Why Mr. Compton, why Bill?  I have to admit he’s easy on the eyes but there must be something more to it than that?

LORENA: [looks over at William] “William, the human’s name isn’t important. [Sneers and turns back to the interviewer] The same reason you look at him with those eyes.  William was noble and a good southern gentleman. You could say he is one of a kind.  William was quite different from the others and when he came into my home, I knew right then and there I was going to make him mine.  There were few gentleman like my William.  His hunger was not what the other men came looking for…his hunger was for food.  Sooner or later William will realize that we belong together. [Glancing over at him then back to the interviewer]

BILL: I came to your doorstep out of desperation, Lorena.  It was the end of the end of the War.  I was cold and starving, not having eaten for days. When you took me in, I was grateful but I needed to return to my home to care for my family.  You took that all way for your own selfish reasons.  Had you really believed in my nobility, you would have let me go.

LORENA: I thought we put that all behind us William.  Your loyalty a century ago was to a wife and your children Now you try to be loyal to a ridiculous waitress and we both know that hasn’t been entirely true.  When you came in to my home, I fed you and saw something in you like no other.  I wanted you and to be mine and I was going to see what you really are.  You just never embraced our true nature.  I always told you that there’s our world and there is theirs.  You just keep clinging to humanity. One day you will see that the human world is no longer available to you.  I’ve always told you that.

BILL: As you can tell, Lorena and I do not see things eye to eye.  This argument has been going on for decades.  We continue to gnaw at it like a dog with his favorite bone.

MR: What a truly interesting beginning this is to a most controversial relationship.   Which brings me to my next question…We have yet to hear much about your children Mr. Compton.  I hear they passed.  Why was it you did not turn them to save them?  Why didn’t you turn your wife?

BILL: I did return to Bon Temps briefly a few years after I was turned against Lorena’s wishes.  Upon my arrival, I heard there was an epidemic of Small Pox that ravaged through Louisiana and had taken my youngest son. [Pauses briefly and dabs his eyes with a handkerchief]  I only meant to anonymously check in on my family to make sure that their welfare was secure, then I was discovered by my wife Caroline in her hour of mourning.  She told me that our daughter and eldest son were sent away to escape the sickness.  It was my understanding that they both survived and lived on to carry the Compton legacy.  It was never a possibility in my mind that I would ever have allowed them to suffer with the eternal darkness that I have endured for the past 174 years.

MR: [Sets a box of tissues on the table for Bill] No wonder you wanted to get away from her…you poor man.  She took everything away from you…..

BILL:  I am fine, thank you.  It is just difficult for me to talk about my family.

LORENA: I would watch what you say if I were you little girl.  I haven’t fed….yet [hisses]

MR: Mr. Compton, How has your decision to mainstream affected your relationship with Lorena?

BILL: My decision to mainstream came well after I severed ties with Lorena.  When the Great Revelation came to pass, I embraced my opportunity to come out of the shadows and live openly and freely as a vampire among humans.

LORENA: William, I don’t understand why you have to adapt to live among these humans.  You never adapted to your true nature. That sorry excuse for bottled blood that they are pedaling to us is vile and disgusting. How can you even drink that?  It doesn’t even taste like the real thing.

BILL: I would never expect you to understand, Lorena, but this is the new wave of the future for vampires if we want to continue to exist openly and publicly.  All you do is take, take, take…you are the one that is going to need to learn to adapt.

MR: What drove you to sever your ties from your maker?

BILL: As with any Vampire Maker/ Progeny relationship, like with a parent and child, the child must leave the nest eventually and go out on their own.  With Lorena, this was a difficult feat because she had a very strong hold on me.  I grew weary of the life we were leading, and to be blunt, of her.  [Looks to Lorena]  I just couldn’t be what you wanted of me.

LORENA: I made you and you are MINE. I will always be your maker no matter how hard you try to defy me.

MR: What affect has the telepathic waitress, Sookie Stackhouse, had on your relationship?  Do you find her to be a threat?

LORENA: A threat? [Laughs] To me?  Oh please!  I couldn’t be more insulted. She is a pathetic bag of flesh and I could just squash her like a bug, and I will, once I get my hands on her.  Besides, I don’t know what anyone sees in her anyway.  And what makes her so special?  If it weren’t for everyone trying to protect her she’d be six feet under and actually being of some use… as worm food.

BILL: [Growls and extends fangs]  If you harm one single hair on Sookie, Lorena, I will kill you myself.  That I can promise you!

LORENA: Oh William, you’re so sexy when your angry like that!  Your animalistic temper just makes me want you even more. [Fangs extend from arousal]

MR: Come on now, let’s get back to what we’re doing here I don’t any blood shed on my pretty baby tee [turns to Lorena with a smile] But you are right, he really is sexy when he’s angry.   And seeing how you two are acting towards each other here today, it makes me wonder Mr. Compton, Was there any time you ever did feel love for Lorena?

BILL: I wouldn’t call my feelings for Lorena as love.  I could never truly love someone as cold-hearted as her.  I have felt compassion and a degree of loyalty in the past, but that is not exactly a feeling as it is more of an instinct that is born within a vampire as one reveres their maker.

LORENA: You did love me once, William, I bet my life on it. [Touches her necklace] You made love to me and embraced those feelings once.  You will learn to love me again. No matter how much you try to push me away, I will always love you. William, you are mine.

MR: Ms. Krasiki, Why were the 20’s and 30’s your most favorite decades?

LORENA: Those were such times to remember…The beauty of being glamorous…The blood was flowing as much as jazz and booze were.  It was exciting going around and feeding on such tasty elegance. The hunt was much more exciting back then, when humans were oblivious to our true existence.  We were able to mingle freely; it was as if we were hiding in plain sight among them.  The fact that we were vampires was still hidden, as it still should be.  We were made to dominate humans and it was so much easier then because of their ignorance.

MR: Mr. Compton, Have you ever had any thoughts of turning Sookie?  And if so Ms. Krasiki, would you be willing to share him with her for eternity?

BILL: Absolutely not. The thought never crossed my mind until the King of Mississippi, Russell Edgington, asked me this question as well.  Sookie deserves to live a long, full life and I would not want to be the one who takes that from her, as I have had mine ripped out from me.  I could never bring myself to do that to another unless the duty was forced upon me, which it has.

LORENA: Share? [Laughs] What’s that common phrase? Oh yes, I skipped that day in Kindergarten.  Anyways, William wouldn’t turn his precious human.  He wouldn’t have it in him to turn any human much-less his precious little pet.  He didn’t do that when he was faced with the opportunity to do it with his beloved Caroline.

MR: Which brings me to my next question, we were informed you do have a child Mr. ComptonJessica. Where is your child Jessica in all this?  We have heard from our sources that you have left her alone to fend for her self…is any of this true?

BILL: It’s not like I left on my own accord.  I was taken by those filthy… [Shakes his head]  Jessica is a smart girl.  She can take care of herself and she knows where to buy Tru-Blood when she gets hungry.

LORENA: So the rumors are true! I am a Grandpire??  Oh, William! You’ve made me so proud. I seriously didn’t think you had it in you. I would love to meet this Jessica!  Oh the things I can teach her….

BILL: [Interrupts] Yes, I have a ward and you will have no part in the rearing of her, Lorena. I will make sure of that.

MR: Mr. Compton, what are your thoughts on The Sheriff of Area 5’s intentions for Sookie?  We hear that he has assigned her protection.

BILL: Eric’s intentions for Sookie are only for his own personal gain, nothing more.  Sookie would never willingly submit to his desires.  I do have faith in that, but I do not trust him.  If he has assigned her protection, I am grateful, though I know it was not as a favor to me.

LORENA: William, just let him have her.  I don’t know why you fret over her so much.  She is beneath you William.

BILL: NEVER!  Sookie is MINE!

LORENA: [Spoken in a whisper] Not for long…

MR: Which brings me to my next question:  How do you like the fact Sookie has been seen in the company of Alcide Herveaux.  The two do seem to be getting quite close….and he is quite the yummy one.

BILL: [Sneers] Yes, I am well aware that he is the one assigned to protect Sookie, though it doesn’t please me that Eric made that choice.  Considering the current, uh, situation, I suppose it will have to do and he can keep her safe during the day.

LORENA: [Laughs] William are you getting jealous? Now you know how it feels to see the one you love in the arms of another, don’t you?

BILL: [Hisses]  Sookie is not in the arms of another and if I ever find out that he has put his filthy paws on her, it will be a good day for a dog such as he to be put down.

MR: There is rumor of Sookie having powers other than her mind reading abilities.  Do you have any idea what she is???

BILL: I have no comment on this matter.

LORENA: I’m curious to know what she is myself.

MR: Oh come on Bill, you must have some idea…

BILL: [Glares] I said no comment.

LORENA: Keep it at Mr. Compton darlin’ or you may just end up being tonight’s first course.

MR: What is your thought on the selling of V and those who partake of such pleasures?

BILL: Having been abducted by “drainers” myself, I find it absolutely appalling.

LORENA: Our blood is sacred.  It shouldn’t be squandered among the parasites.  It is an abomination and those who partake in this should be severely punished for their crimes.

MR: And my final question, Ms. Krasiki, If you were to achieve the final death tomorrow, is there anything you would have liked to have done with your life?  Anything you would have done differently?  Any regrets?

LORENA: The only regret I have is letting William go the first time. I know he would have eventually embraced our true nature.  Had things gone differently, by now we could have been the King and Queen of Illinois and spent our eternity together, as it should have always been.

MR: It seems our time is almost up.  I would like to thank you for letting us interview you both.  [Leans into Bill handing him her card] And if you ever, ever need me for anything Bill, anything at all, or if things don’t work out with you and Sookie, give me a call.

LORENA: That’s it…I warned you! It’s Mr. Compton.  I have had just about enough with the likes of you.  William, what do you say we have one for the road.  Bon appetit…

[fades to black]

[ The tapes of this interview were sent to us by an anonymous source, wrapped in a sparkling Team Bill baby tee shirt.  The whereabouts of the interviewer are still unknown.  Bill and Lorena cannot be reached for comment]

This column is an unauthorized parody of the HBO TV show True Blood.  There is no relationship between what you see in this column and what will appear on the screen or in the Sookie Stackhouse novels.  This has been presented for entertainment purposes only and the actions, events and answers presented here have nothing to do with any persons or characters real or imagined, living or dead or undead.

Bill Compton written by B. Kent

Lorena Krasiki written by Edna Cantu
Photo Credit:  HBO and Screen Caps by James Chin

Header Credit: K. Rose