Reality Bites – Meet the Bon Temps Discussion Panel!

June 11, 2010 by  

Session #1 – Introductions

NINA
Hello everyone and welcome. Again, my name is Nina and I want to thank you all for participating in this panel. Now, HBO’s True Blood takes place here in Bon Temps, Louisiana, but the characters are fictional, so I want to know — what do real citizens of Bon Temps, like yourselves, think about the show’s portrayal of your town and your people.

We’ll gather here every Sunday and watch each new episode together. Afterward, we’ll have an open discussion about the episode.

Tonight we’re just here to get to know each other a little, maybe talk about True Blood‘s first two seasons, that kind of thing.

Okay, let’s go around the room and tell us your first name and a little bit about yourself.

HENRIETTA
My name is Henrietta Hawthorne and God has granted me 73 years of life, and hopefully many more. I been livin’ in Bon Temps my entire life, married a month shy of 50 years until a son of the Devil himself – a- a vampire – claimed my dear husband.

CHUCK
An’ what makes you think it was a vampire?

NINA
Chuck, please wait for your turn, we’ll have an open debate later.

HENRIETTA
I know it was a vampire because no child of God could’ve done something so gruesome to a human body. After I lost him, I dedicated myself to serve God as a parishioner of the Fellowship of the Sun.

NINA
Thank you. Next.

NATHAN
Hi, um, my name’s Nathan, and I’ve been outta high school for about eight years, and I’m the night shift supervisor at a local super-mart. It was awful nice of you to talk to my boss to let me get out of work so I could be here.

NINA
My pleasure. Who do we have next?

ELIJAH
Good evenin’. I’m Elijah Raoul Maquis de Grantierre. I was born and raised in southern Georgia, bought myself my first plantation when I was a young man, just north of Bon Temps. Due to the fact the one of my slaves had… unnatural connections, Bon Temps is also the place of my death. I’ve spent the last three centuries wandering, but finally decided it was time to come home. And might I say my dear, you are looking delicious this evening.

NINA
Uh, thank you, Elijah. Next.

TRACY
I’m Tracy.

[Long period of silence.]

NINA
And would you like to tell us a little bit about yourself?

TRACY
I just did.

NINA
Um, okay, who’s next?

CHUCK
Name’s Chuck and I’ve lived in the bayous outside of Bon Temps all my lives and I plan to keep it that way, I thank you.

ELIJAH
Charmin’

CHUCK
What’s it to ya pretty boy?

ELIJAH
Well I must say I am flattered.

CHUCK
Well I was pissed at the old woman over there, but now I think I’m just pissed at you.

[Henrietta crosses herself vehemently.]

NINA
Okay, lets move on.

BYRON
Yes ma’am. I’m First Lieutenant Byron St. James, Retired of course. I graduated from West Point, with honors, was in the Army Engineer Corps and I personally helped over see the maintenance of air strips in Operation Desert Storm. Now I spend my days teaching physics at the high school.

NINA
Impressive, and last but not least?

MADISON
Oh my God, when is he going to get here?

NINA
Who?

MADISON
Alexander Skarsgard? You told me that we would be able to talk to the actors about True Blood.

NINA
No honey, I said we were going to talk about the actors ON True Blood.

MADISON
[Scoffs] Lame. Whatever. I’m Madison, I’m a student, hi Mr. St. James, do we really have a test tomorrow?

NINA
Madison.

MADISON
Oh, and this is my mom.

[Madison points to the woman sitting in the chair behind her.]

NINA
Yes, because Madison is a minor, she must be accompanied by a parent or guardian.

ELIJAH
How intriguing.

HENRIETTA
It’s not safe for a young girl here. It ain’t safe for an old girl neither.

NINA
Please, we all agreed that we’d behave ourselves, for the sake of representing Bon Temps.

ELIJAH
What a pity.

NINA
Alright, now let’s briefly explain your feelings toward the series of True Blood so far. Henrietta?

HENRIETTA
I think it is an accurate representation of Bon Temps. Ever since the agents of evil have made themselves known, all morality has left this place. If I still had my youth, I’d try to find me a nice community of other members of the Fellowship. However, I must say that the show has misrepresented our beliefs and our teachings. Although we don’t tolerate the Children of Satan, we are not as savage as they.

NATHAN
I kinda agree with her, I do feel that the discrimination, is that a word, that you see in the show is spot on.

NINA
Wo-

NATHAN
No I would not like to expand upon that.

NINA
I see. Elijah?

ELIJAH
I wouldn’t at all mind if the real Sheriff of Area 5 was just like Eric. And let me just say this: No vampire, no matter how old, or how righteous, would ever allow themselves to be captured by zealots.

NINA
Interesting. Like to add anything Tracy?

TRACY
I have no complaints…yet.

NINA
Okay, and Chuck?

CHUCK
I think it is a disgrace. All this show has is these vampires prancing around with their long blond hair, and their fallin’ in love. How’m I supposed to keep my blood down?

MADISON
Gross!

BYRON
Well ma’am, I don’t think the show does a good enough job of portraying the fact that there are educated people in Bon Temps. The closest they come is that Sam Merlotte, but they gave him a shady past. My record is spotless.

NATHAN
Oh…

MADISON
Not. Enough. Eric. Period. Like, the season two finale? There totally should have been more Eric.

NINA
But how do you think the show portrays Bon Temps?

MADISON
Poorly, because I haven’t met a vampire who even comes close to Eric…or any vampire for that matter.

ELIJAH
How do you do?

NINA
Okay! I think that’s good for now. We all know a little bit about each other, but I’m sure there is much we will learn as the season goes on. Don’t forget that we are all due to meet back here at 9PM on Sunday so that we can watch and respond to the season 3 premiere of True Blood.

[End Session One]

Feel free to add your feelings about the episodes in the comments section below!

This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. “Reality Bites’  and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

Header Credit: K. Rose

Authors: Cory Brin and Sarah Pugh

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