Reality Bites Session 10: Watch Your Back

August 20, 2010 by  

Every week, a diverse panel of Bon Temps residents gather to watch and discuss each new episode of HBO‘s True Blood. The sessions are moderated by Nina Harken, PhD candidate interested in finding out what the real folks of Bon Temps think of the portrayal of their town and their people on HBO’s hit series.

NATHAN
Whoa.

NINA
You could say that again. Okay. Where to begin?

MADISON
I can’t believe he just ripped out his spine like that. That was so gross.

CHUCK
I ain’t never seen anyone do that. You?

ELIJAH
Can’t say that I have. And I have seen quite a bit.

HENRIETTA
Disgusting. See? See what those vampires really want? To eat our children. Lord save us all.

NINA
Remember, Henrietta, this is just a TV show. It’s not necessarily true.

NATHAN
Why don’t we ask them?

[Elijah and Chuck share a glance]

ELIJAH
While I understand the fear this may cause, I can tell you the vampires in the real Bon Temps are not planning any such event.

CHUCK
Right.

NATHAN
How can we trust you, though?

ELIJAH
You will just have to take my word.

BYRON
It was also a great play on today’s media. With 24-hour news channels, people are rarely shocked by any breaking news anymore. That was certainly shocking.

MADISON
And then he throws it to Tiffany with the weather. Hilarious.

NINA
Let’s move the discussion a little bit. What about the other vampires?

MADISON
Eric and Pam? How sad was that? And they were locked down and everything.

BYRON
The vampire guards or, I believe they were referred to as the V-Fed? They were quite impressive.

MADISON
Like Robocops. And now Eric has permission to kill Russell. You know, I actually felt kinda bad for Russell. He was so sad when he found Talbot.

TRACY
What was left of him, anyway.

MADISON
But Franklin came back.

TRACY
Only to be killed.

BYRON
Tara was very strong to go seek help with a support group. That isn’t easy for anyone.

HENRIETTA
It is about time that poor girl finds some help. And it was none other than Jason Stackhouse to come to her rescue. Sent by God.

TRACY
That Sam finally flipped the hell out, beatin’ that guy to death.

CHUCK
He wasn’t dead yet. Close, though.

TRACY
He’s no good. He deserves it.

NATHAN
He does? We don’t even know anything about him except he’s Crystal’s dad. I wish they’d just spill out that storyline already. They’re clearly something.

MADISON
Same thing with Sookie. Seriously, what is she?

NATHAN
Yeah…

ELIJAH
Now, I have partaken in my share of blood types, but I have never traveled to another world.

NATHAN
Yeah… No, yeah. It felt like kind of a cop out so Bill could learn what the hell she is. He’s had her blood before and never went to … wherever…

MADISON
But he had a lot. I thought that was the point.

NATHAN
I guess. Just seemed like, cheap.

CHUCK
Speakin’ of cheap – how ’bout that Tommy-boy’s date?

ELIJAH
Right up your alley, Charles?

CHUCK
Can’t blame the boy for havin’ a good time.

MADISON
But I thought he liked Jessica. Then Hoyt still likes Jessica.

TRACY
Hoyt’s “girlfriend” — she’s got to die. Soon.

MADISON
Maybe Jessica will kill her! Her fangs popped out when she was gonna shake her hand.

NINA
It’s nice to see a human story — even though it technically involves a vampire. What else?

BYRON
I am curious to know what the jaguar tattoo symbolizes with Jesus.

MADISON
Is he a shifter? Or a were… something?

NATHAN
That seems kind of obvious.

ELIJAH
I thought those kind were known to be obvious.

TRACY
What does that mean?

ELIJAH
Well it seems to me that the Weres… as portrayed in the show, of course… they are all very clear. Rather gruff, if you know what I mean. Jesus is… not.

TRACY
You mean white trash, don’t you? That’s what you mean by gruff.

[Tracy snarls and Elijah bares his fangs.]

NINA
Tracy, Tracy, please. Elijah?

[Elijah retracts his fangs.]

ELIJAH
My apologies.

NINA
Maybe this is a good place to stop. We’ve only got a few episodes left, folks.

NATHAN
Let’s hope they bring together all of these stories. Feels like everything’s set up. Just has to fall into place.

NINA
We’ll just have to wait and see. See you all next week.

This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. “Reality Bites” and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

Authors: Sarah Pugh & Cory Brin

Header: K. Rose

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