Reality Bites – Session 9: Crazy Love, My Crazy Love

August 17, 2010 by  

Reality Bites in Bon Temps

Every week, a diverse panel of Bon Temps residents gather to watch and discuss each new episode of HBO‘s True Blood. The sessions are moderated by Nina Harken, PhD candidate interested in finding out what the real folks of Bon Temps think of the portrayal of their town and their people on HBO‘s hit series.

MADISON
Mom, stop.

[MADISON’s Mother is using her hands to block MADISON from seeing the sex scene in the final moments of the episode. MADISON is trying to swat away her mother’s hands.]

HENRIETTA
Now that’s what call a good Christian Mother.

CHUCK
And that’s what I call a nice ass.

NINA
Alright people, let’s talk about the episode and not body parts. What did we like?

ELIJAH
Oh come on now, did Eric really have to kill Talbot? I’m for revenge as much as the next vampire, but poor Talbot was just looking to add some meaning back into his life.

MADISON
Yeah, not cool.

TRACY
What? Someone is upset with the high and mighty Eric?

NATHAN
Is Mr. Perfect no long perfect.

BYRON
Those vampires are fighting a war, there’s bound to be casualties.

NATHAN
But still, that was pretty harsh.

CHUCK
Speaking of harsh, yee-haw to Debbie and Sookie dukin’ it out. The only thing that could have made that better was some chocolate pudding.

TRACY
You are disgusting.

CHUCK
Would thought you of all people would enjoy a good bitch fight.

TRACY
I ain’t her.

NINA
Please, remember, we’re talking about the episode.

MADISON
I totally thought Sookie and Alcide had a great moment and that something would happen, but then he just left her…

TRACY
He went to help his sister, you’ve gotta protect your…family.

NATHAN
Hey, you were going to say…

TRACY
I said exactly what I meant to say.

HENRIETTA
Speakin’ of protecting, it was good to see that Jason Stackhouse keepin’ some tokens from the Fellowship, you know, in order to protect.

NATHAN
Actually, I was kind of surprised he still had that stuff.

HENRIETTA
Well it is a good thing.

MADISON
But I thought Jason was trying to protect his girlfriend who is clearly something. You like that?

HENRIETTA
I do not approve of such a relationship, so there really isn’t much for me to like. However, Jason is just tryin’ to do right by this Crystal and his sister, askin’ her to press charges against that vampire Bill.

MADISON
Oh, you just like him.

HENRIETTA
Child, you don’t know.

NATHAN
He never has a shirt on. How could you not like him… I mean, right, Henrietta?

HENRIETTA
M-hm. Gives me something to look forward to in this program. Enough vampires and such.

ELIJAH
Careful, darlin’.

MADISON
Seriously, do you guys know what Crystal is? She keeps saying “I can’t tell you,” “You don’t understand,” blah, blah, blah. Why won’t they just reveal it already?

NATHAN
Sam and Tommy noticed the scent of the father and the other guy — maybe a shifter like them?

BYRON
That’s an astute observation. Considering that Crystal’s father knew what Sam was, there’s probably something to it.

TRACY
Thank god Sam got rid of those awful parents. I was sick of seeing ’em.

ELIJAH
They did seem to bring the whole elegant mood down, didn’t they?

CHUCK
I liked ’em. Good folk.

MADISON
No they weren’t.

TRACY
Doesn’t matter. They’re gone now.

NATHAN
Are they? I wouldn’t be surprised if they brought back Joe Lee for one more round with Sam.

MADISON
I don’t know why Tommy was picking on Hoyt like that. That was mean. Hoyt still loves Jessica.

NINA
Speaking of Jessica —

MADISON
I know! I love that Bill’s teaching her stuff. Finally.

HENRIETTA
I must say I agree. Nice to see a vampire takin’ responsibility for his creation.

MADISON
It was so cool to see them flying around the room. And then Bill’s telling his story – “No way.” “Way.” I loved that!

CHUCK
See? That’s why I ain’t in no hurry to go creatin’ a vampire. Too much work.

ELIJAH
And you can barely take care of yourself.

CHUCK
Exactly. Wait. No. I mean… aw, shoot.

ELIJAH
I’m just glad that Franklin popped in to say hello. He’s my kind of crazy.

TRACY
I don’t understand why Tara is still freaking out. I mean yeah she went through a lot, but its over now.

BYRON
She’s going through her own form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, kind of like a soldier after war. Also, don’t forget that not a lot of time has actually elapsed in the world of the show. Eggs has only been dead for about a week.

NATHAN
Not to mention the whole Maryanne thing…and her mother coping with her demon before that. I think if anyone has a right to freak out, it’s Tara

MADISON
Nope, if anyone has the right to freak out it’s Arlene.

CHUCK
That’s right cupcake, I don’t scare easy, but seeing Rene Lenier talking to that baby gave me the creeps.

ELIJAH
I do agree… there’s creepy for the sake of being creepy, and then there’s just plain evil.

HENRIETTA
Interesting that you should be the one to say that.

ELIJAH
I know, which is why we should all be disturbed.

TRACY
Almost as disturbing as that new waitress Arlene hired.

NATHAN
Speaking of disturbed, why does Ruby Jean think that Lafayette is powerful?

BRYON
Which was confirmed by Jesus, who seems to be a bit askew himself.

MADISON
I don’t care about any of that, I just think it’s cute that they kissed and made up. Just like Bill and Sookie.

CHUCK
Hoo-boy they did more than kiss.

NATHAN
But I mean, Hadley came over to give Sookie that message, remember? “The king is coming. Don’t trust Bill.”

HENRIETTA
Can’t trust anyone nowadays.

NATHAN
And it was Eric who sent the message. What could that mean? Is he serious or just trying to get Sookie for himself or something?

TRACY
Whatever it was, Sookie didn’t seem to care. She was real quick to make up with Bill.

BYRON
There is certainly more going on than we can see, which I assume is the show’s whole point.

MADISON
I know but I want to figure it all out right now.

NINA
But, Madison, we just don’t have that kind of time. Actually, we’re out of time for tonight. Good discussion, everyone. Same time next week.

This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. “Reality Bites” and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

Authors: Sarah Pugh & Cory Brin

Header Credit: K. Rose

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