Reality Bites – Sesson 8: Shortcomings.

August 6, 2010 by  

Every week, a diverse panel of Bon Temps residents gather to watch and discuss each new episode of HBO’s True Blood. The sessions are moderated by Nina Harken, PhD candidate interested in finding out what the real folks of Bon Temps think of the portrayal of their town and their people on HBO‘s hit series.

NATHAN
Hey, wait a minute! It ended ten minutes early! That’s not fair.

NINA
Hmm… you’re right.

NATHAN
And started two minutes late.

TRACY
Rip off.

ELIJAH
Oh I can’t believe your quibbling over just a few minutes.

NATHAN
Well that must be easy for you to say when you live forever.  We don’t have as many minutes.

CHUCK
Oh yeah…I always forget about that.

NINA
Well even though the episode was a little bit short, what did we think?

MADISON
A lot of people died…like Lorena was gone with the first minute.

TRACY
And that bastard Coot was dead within the first five, thank God.

NINA
Speaking of Lorena, that reminds me:  Before we get too far, we had a question from one of our viewers…User name BrattylilAngel asks:  “I just was wondering as to why Sookie‘s power didn’t work against Lorena?”  Any takers?

ELIJAH
With a name like BrattylilAngel, I will certainly be a taker.

NATHAN
I think it was because she didn’t have time to get scared, Lorena moves a lot faster than Coot or Maryann did.

TRACY
Didn’t need to use her power when she had a stake and another vampire holding Lorena down.

HENRIETTA
Now let’s not sing praises about Mr. Compton so quickly, after all we almost did lose Sookie thanks to him.  How long have I been sayin’ that she needs to get away from that vampire?  Even that Claudine lady said so.

CHUCK
Yeah who the heck was she?  And why were they all prancing around like some kinda hippies?

BYRON
That was indeed very strange.  It almost didn’t seem to go along with the rest of the show.  Clearly something special is going on with Sookie on the supernatural level, but the rest of the supernaturals on the show are all dark and realistic.  Or at the very least serious.

CHUCK
It was pretty awesome that when Bill showed up that it was all darkness.  It makes me proud of who I am.

MADISON
I’m still sad that Bill almost killed Sookie, I mean I know he was dying and everything but still–not cool Bill.  Eric wouldn’t have done that.

ELIJAH
You don’t know that.

MADISON
I do too know that.  And OMGodric,  Bill in the sun?  How did that work?

HENRIETTA
I’ve always been told that the sun was the purging light, why did it not effect him?

[Everyone’s gaze turns toward ELIJAH.]

ELIJAH
What?  It’s a television program. nothing like that’s ever happened to me.

MADISON
But you’re the vampire, shouldn’t you know these things?

NATHAN
Chuck’s a vampire too.

ELIJAH
There’s a reason I was asked, dear Nathan.

CHUCK
You know what pretty boy, I ought to report you to the Magister for being such a prick.

TRACY
Just so long as the real King of Mississippi doesn’t kill the real Magister.

BYRON
I was wondering about that myself.  From what we know the Magister is clearly high on the vampire chain of command.  With a sudden and unexpected removal of such power, typically there is a rush to fill the power vacuum.  I wonder what the process is to replace the Magister or what will happen to the vampire community with his removal.

[Everyone is looking at either CHUCK or ELIJAH.]

CHUCK
…um…

ELIJAH
No comment.

NATHAN
Really, you’re not going to open that big mouth of yours?

[ELIJAH Opens his mouth and his fangs descend.]

NINA
Now boys, play nice.  When Russell killed the Magister, it was after a pretty lengthy speech, how do we feel about his play for power?

HENRIETTA
Evil child of Satan!

CHUCK
I didn’t really follow him.

NATHAN
I wonder how many vampires will actually let that come to pass.

BYRON
Sounds like vampire insubordination.

MADISON
I just can’t wait for Eric to get revenge.

ELIJAH
He can be my King.

TRACY
Dick.

NINA
And how do we feel about Tara now that she is seemingly free from the clutches of Franklin?

MADISON
Total girl power!  She was awesome, she saved Sookie twice and was all like, “No Bill, you can’t give her your blood, that’s what happens when you try to kill her.”

HENRIETTA
She killed one vampire and almost killed another.  Now who says that she does not know the path of God?

CHUCK
Ma’am in the entire time we’ve been doin’ this, have I ever done anything to you?

HENRIETTA
No, but that’s only because I’ve been wearin’ this.

[HENRIETTA points to her silver crucifix.]

CHUCK
If you want me to keep leavin’ you alone, you should stop sayin’ things like that. Besides, we don’t know that Tara killed any vampires…yet.

NINA
And what about Sam’s storyline?

BYRON
If you had the gift of being able to shift, why would you waste it by doing something like that to yourself, even at the request of your parents.  No real loving parent would willingly put their child in harm’s way.

MADISON
I was sad that they showed the pile of dead dogs.  I know they like to be shocking…but I didn’t like that.

TRACY
Agreed.

BYRON
Though, I was proud of Sam, actually watching out for Tommy.  That’s true brotherhood there.  Reminds me of my military days.

NATHAN
Yeah, but that story isn’t over.  Joe Lee is up to something.  I can just tell that he won’t be happy with how things ended up.

MADISON
Even if something does happen, Sam will protect Tommy.

CHUCK
Guess nothing’s thicker than blood.

[ELIJAH licks his lips.]

NINA
Well I think that’ll be all for tonight.  Please tune in for next week’s session.  Also, please don’t hesitate to ask us questions in the comments section, one of our panelists may actually answer you.

Authors: Sarah Pugh and Cory Brin

Header: K. Rose

This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. “Reality Bites” and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

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