Reality Bites-Session 6: Blood, Sweat, and Tears

July 22, 2010 by  

“Reality Bites” Panel
Session 6:  Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Every week, a diverse panel of Bon Temps residents gather to watch and discuss each new episode of HBO’s True Blood. The sessions are moderated by Nina Harken, PhD candidate interested in finding out what the real folks of Bon Temps think of the portrayal of their town and their people on HBO’s hit series.

NINA
Well, huh. Okay then, where to begin? Uh…Chuck? You okay?

CHUCK
[Sniffling]
Yep.

MADISON
Are you sure?

ELIJAH
Charles, what are you doing?

MADISON
I… I think he’s crying.

CHUCK
Am not.

NATHAN
Yes you are.

NINA
It’s okay, you can tell us.

CHUCK
It’s…. it’s just… that blond girl and Bill were apart for so long…. it was kinda nice to see them… together…

[A beat.]

TRACY
Oh dear god.

ELIJAH
Who’d a thought our little redneck had a soft spot?

CHUCK
Shut up!  I ain’t no pussy or nothing.

[CHUCK’S fangs descend and he starts toward ELIJAH.  ELIJAH identifies the challenge and shows his fangs.  The two look as if they are about to fight.]

TRACY
Just screw already!

CHUCK
With this prissy boy I don’t think so.

ELIJAH
Please, I’d hold myself to a higher standard than this.

NINA
Okay, okay. Thank you for sharing, Chuck. That was very brave.

HENRIETTA
I don’t know why I bother coming anymore.  I’m going to go to hell just for listening to this.

BYRON
Miss Harken, this whole panel is supposed to be how we feel the show portrays Bon Temps, correct?

NINA
That’s correct.

BYRON
Well then I would appreciate if every Bon Temps citizen out there would take a cue from Sam Merlotte.  Sam is kind, gives people a place to stay, and gives people a place to eat and enjoy each other’s company.  He’s even taking care of his family to whom he literally owes nothing.  He also is the only one who hasn’t got himself mixed up in any negativity.  I wish more people could learn from his example.

HENRIETTA
Hallelujah!  Praise His Light!  Would rather if Mr. Merlotte were human though.

[BYRON gives HENRIETTA a subtle stare.]

MADISON
Wasn’t Eric’s flashback awesome?

NATHAN
… He was screwing some chick while his whole family was being attacked by werewolves.. how is that awesome?

MADISON
It’s not like he knew. He stopped when he heard them. And now, it’s like, he has to avenge the death of his family. That’s just –

NATHAN
Awesome. Right. Uh… but I will say that was an awesome shot of Russell, or I guess it was Russell, but that shot of him in the cloak with snow… that was nice.

MADISON
It was, but I was kinda bummed, I thought maybe it would be a new supernatural or something…

BYRON
Speaking of Eric, as a former military man my senses tell me the relationship between all of the vampires currently in the King’s mansion indicates there will be some double-crossing.

MADISON
Oooh.

BYRON
The King is clearly pushing his way to his goal, whatever that may be. Both Bill and Eric are aware of the King’s power, yet they each have at risk. There are no clear battle lines. Loyalties are questionable.

TRACY
Everybody’s so shifty.  I mean how bad is it that even a Pack Master is scared?

HENRIETTA
I want to know why all of these horrible things are happening to Tara.  First her mother is possessed by a demon, then she is hunted by whatever Maryann was, her human boyfriend was shot and killed, and now the most sadistic vampire
we’ve met wants to turn her.

CHUCK
I dunno… I dig Franklin.  At first I thought he was a British S.O.B., but this past episode he cracked me up.  Speed texting…hysterical.  And when he threw the flowers?

ELIJAH
Are you serious?  It’s like some vampire just turn the craziest lunatic they could find, just for their amusement. He does no justice to our kind.

CHUCK
Come on. “Don’t say that. Everytime a woman says that, I black out then wake up surrounded by body parts.” I’ve been there.

HENRIETTA
Well I’m just concerned that that evil child of Satan is going to turn Tara…and then there will be no moral humans worth watching.  Well, although I don’t necessarily approve of his sinful lifestyle, if I were 30 years younger that Jason
could put his shoes under my bed.

[The panel looks dumbfounded.]

TRACY
Lady, that the hell are you talking about?

MADISON
Whoa! Cougar in the room!

[NATHAN’s eyes widen as he looks at BYRON.]

NINA
It’s fine. That’s alright. I can see where Henrietta’s coming from, if I do say so myself. … So, hey, we don’t have much time, but enough to discuss one or two more topics. What about Crystal?

CHUCK
Yeah, what’s the deal with that chick?

TRACY
Hey, you don’t know. I mean, maybe she’s just…shy.

BYRON
Seems to me like she is hiding something.  I just don’t know if it will be good or bad for Jason.

MADISON
Let’s talk couples!  How cute were Lafayette and Jesus?  I mean, other than when fearing for his life at the hands of Eric, this was the first time we saw Lafayette out of his element.

NATHAN
I wouldn’t have waited nine hours just to play pool.

MADISON
Okay…and then there was Tommy and Jessica.  He called her a “smoking hot vampire chick.”  That was so sweet.

CHUCK
Ha…”Giant sixth grader.”

ELIJAH
How far did you make it?

NINA
Time for one more though.  Anyone?

ELIJAH
This is the second time we’ve seen Sookie use her “ability.”  I’m even more curious about it now because it’s got Russell so tickled.  I mean if someone as ancient as he gets excited enough to say, “fantastic,” then clearly something major is going to happen.

NATHAN
I really wonder what she is…

NINA
Fascinating.  Well everyone, thank you for another…lively…discussion.  See you all here next week.  To encourage more True Blood fan feedback, our Bon Temps Residents panel has agreed to field questions and comments from fellow “Trubies.”  Leave your question or comment in the space below and perhaps someone from our panel will respond directly to you. Thanks and good night.

Author Credit:  Cory Brin & Sarah Pugh

Header Credit:  K. Rose

This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. “Reality Bites” and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

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