Sookie Stackhouse: The Thoughts of a Mind Reader

August 29, 2010 by  

It sucks being me lately.  I can’t even hear my own thoughts without someone invading my head.  The girl down the hall is upset she didn’t get her pain meds on time, the man in room 127 thinks that if he were a woman, this would have never happened to him and you don’t even wanna know what the teenager in room 128 is thinkin’.  No one should have to be in that head.  Unfortunately for me, I can’t get away from it.   I seriously wish I could  slap a ‘No Vacancy” sign inside my head-in neon!  It probably wouldn’t help but it would make me feel better.

It just seems that no matter what I do, shit happens.  You see, when shit hits the fan for me, it’s just one big old mess that usually leaves me bruised and bleeding.  Well at least I’m still alive, unlike that bitch Lorena who I sent to her well deserved final death.  Surprisingly, I don’t feel any remorse.  In my defense, I am pretty loopy.  Must be all the pain meds because on top of everything, I had the weirdest dream.  I was dancing in the graveyard with the most beautiful people.  It was like a cross between a renaissance festival and a trip back to the sixties all crammed into the Bon Temps cemetery.  It was crazy!  Although I was mighty confused, I wasn’t scared. I felt more at home there than I have anywhere else since Gran died.  For a moment,  I thought I was dead but I felt too alive to be dead.  The main thing I remember is that woman Claudine told me it wasn’t the water that killed my parents….now how would she know???  Then the darkness came and all the pretty shining dancers ran away. They warned me not to let him take my light…and I woke to Bill.  I felt like that little girl in Poltergeist for a moment, then I screamed..

Things have changed between Bill and and I.  To say our relationship has been strained is an understatement of a lifetime!  I don’t even know what to think any more.  I can’t help but wonder at this point if I even know how to make a good decision. Our relationship doesn’t seem to go a day without someone getting killed and look at my house! Gran would have had a fit! No, we’re not a normal couple, that’s for sure. I was so happy when I first met Bill and it was utter bliss that I couldn’t hear a damn thing he was thinking.  Yes, he was very handsome and a real Southern gentleman but the fact that every thought he had wasn’t pounding on my head trying to get in made it such a relief to be alone with him , he lured me like a moth to a flame.  I had never been out with anyone who’s motives weren’t crystal clear but right about now, I’d give anything to get into that little head of Bill’s. Really, I would.  The appeal of blissful ignorance has turned into a haunting night mare of doubt. I don’t know how normal people manage at all.


What used to be a curse to me I see isn’t really so bad.  Before the Vampires came into my life, hearing the thoughts of others, sheltered me in some ways. I never had to really take a chance or to trust anyone.  There was nothing about anybody that I didn’t already know.  It was all right there in their head for me to listen in if I wanted to and some of the things I heard…whoa! They would make your skin crawl.  I spent a lot of nights alone watching chick flicks and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And quite happily too…that is until I met Vampire Bill.  Funny, you don’t know what you got until you see it from the other side.


Now, with Bill, for the first time every night is some new surprise.  I am so used to knowingwhat is going on and this not knowing is making me crazy. But it’s kinda exciting too.  I’m changing and I don’t know me any more.  I’m killing vampires and shooting at werewolves. Are the ones I hold dear in danger because of me? Because of what I am or who I love?  Me layin here in this hospital bed is at least partly my own fault.


Note to Self:  Next time you’re alone in the back of a van with a half drained, blood thirsty, hungry vampire, refrain from using saws or any other sharp metallic objects that may come be at hand in order heal him with my blood.  It will not turn out well.


I know most folks don’t think Jason’s too smart, but one thing my brother has going for him is that he’s a wonderful, caring person.  He has changed so much since Gran died.  I know my brother would die for me but I don’t want any more folks dying. And now he seems to be some kind of policeman? [sighs] I sure wish Gran were here to talk some sense into him. There was nothing like a slice of Gran’s pie and her words of wisdom to stop my brother from flying off the handle.



And Tara is all kinds of messed up! I don’t know how she managed to get free but she could have left me high and dry but she didn’t. Even when I wouldn’t leave without Bill she managed to rescue us all. Whatever awful things she went through have really hurt her deep inside. She is so angry now. I know she doesn’t want me listening to her thoughts and after what she’s been through I have to keep her trust. I can only hope she’ll talk to me, when she’s ready. She’s more determined than ever that Bill is bad for me and when I’m laying here nearly dead because of him how can I argue? At least she doesn’t seem to be so sad anymore. I was really worried about for her for a while.

It’s not like Alcide is having it easy either what with the woman he loves being in a V addicted love frenzy with that white trash werewolf.  They already burned down his sisters hair salon.  No tellin’ what they’ll do next.  There’s going to be trouble from him killing Coot too, not only Debbie Pelt will be after him but the rest of that jacked up on *V* pack. I did feel safe with him though. It was kinda nice.

And Bill.  I know he’s been cast out by both human and vampire because of protecting me, but then he turned on me like an animal in that truck. Worse than an animal, he nearly killed me and animals don’t kill their mates! Everyone keeps warning me against him, Tara, Sam, even that Claudine woman whoever she is.. if she is real. Could she be right? Was she just my good angel trying to warn me how dangerous Bill is? and what does she mean he’s going to steal my light? Was that just a fancy way of saying he’d kill me? Everything used to be so simple, if boring, before I met Bill. No matter what I do, what we do, things are just never normal. It’s not just that I can’t have breakfast with him it’s that someone is always trying to kill us or getting in our business about being together. Sam, Tara, Eric and now even that crazy King of Mississippi. Who knew vampires had kings? I guess this is what it was like to be a mixed race couple in the South in the fifties. I’m just not sure I’m strong enough to be them. I’m not sure I trust Bill enough any more, or my own good senses. I am scared and I don’t think I can do this any more.

This column is an unauthorized parody of the HBO TV show True Blood.  There is no relationship between what you see in this column and what will appear on the screen or in the Sookie Stackhouse novels.  This has been presented for entertainment purposes only and the actions, events and answers presented here have nothing to do with any persons or characters real or imagined, living or dead or undead.

Header credit: K. S. Rose

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