Summer Itch

October 27, 2010 by  

The summers in Bon Temps can be downright brutal. The temperatures easily soar into the 100’s and when you add in the humidity and bugs, well, let’s just say there are nicer places to spend some time. The latest heat wave had given Bon Temps eight straight days of triple digits. Sam had been grumpy and snappy ever since summer started but here lately, he was just plain, no fun to be around. Sookie decided to confront him tonight after work–if she didn’t kill him before then!

“Nice of you to show back up.” She said, as Sam came back into Merlotte’s after one of his numerous breaks.

“Mind your own business Sookie,” he snapped, as he quickly walked passed her.

“Sam, what is that smell?” Sookie wrinkled her nose. “Lemon overkill?”

Sam stopped suddenly and Sookie was tempted to read his mind but as mad as she was, she still didn’t want to eavesdrop on her boss and long-time friend.

“Um, I spilled a bottle of cleaning, uh cleaner; you know the one with the lemon scent. That must be it.”

Sookie knew Sam was lying, but said nothing. Instead she decided to keep an eye on him. Something was definitely up!
Sookie continued to watch him for the rest of the evening. He looked…well, twitchy. There was no other word for it. She also noticed every time Sam returned from his office he smelled different. Each scent stronger and more intense as the night wore on.

Finally, closing time came. Sookie and Arlene cleaned up and headed outside. Sam was nowhere to be seen. Arlene said goodbye and Sookie headed towards her car. Noticing the light on in Sam’s trailer, she threw her purse into her car, took a deep breath and headed over. She knocked quietly just before she heard muffled steps and then a thud from inside. Thinking Sam might be in some kind of trouble, Sookie forgot her anger and rushed through the door. She came to a sudden halt as she was immediately confronted with the sight of Sam — in all his naked glory. Not that she hadn’t seen Sam naked before, but walking in on someone in their own home when you think they are in danger, then finding them naked and covered in a strange substance is always a bit, well, it deserved a scream.

“Sam? Are you okay? What is that all over you?”

Sam looked completely miserable and sheepishly replied, “Oatmeal.”

Sookie didn’t mean to but she couldn’t help herself and started laughing. Sadly, the harder she tried to stop, the harder she laughed. Tears streamed down her face as she attempted to control her laughter. After a minute Sookie had enough breath to speak.

“What in the world for, Sam? Do you have chicken pox?” Sookie asked, while she wiped the wetness from her cheeks. She really did feel awful for laughing at Sam’s obvious distress.

“No,” he said, looking even more embarrassed, if that was possible. “Fleas,” he mumbled.
Sookie tried. She really did. But a second fit of giggles got the better of her and led into another round of gut wrenching laughter.

“Sookie! This isn’t funny! Do you have any idea how bad they are? I mean I have to change, I go crazy if I don’t, but as soon as I do and I go for a run, they’re all over me! And they don’t go away when I change back. They’re everywhere and this little heat wave we got goin on here is just making it worse. I’ve tried everything to get rid of them and nothing works.”

By this time Sookie had almost stopped laughing, but Sam’s last pitiful confession just started it right back up.

“Is that what I smelled all night?”

Sam seemed to realize for the first time that he was having this conversation with Sookie while he stood completely naked, except of course, for a thin layer of oatmeal. He turned ten shades of red, let out a long string of curses, then snatched an afghan off the back of the couch and covered himself.

“Um, yeah. I’ve tried every flea remedy out there. Shampoos, powders, sprays, herbal tea, drops, flea collars, everything!”

“Sam, why didn’t you ask me to help you? You know I would have.”

“I know Sookie, but I just wasn’t sure how to bring something like this up. It’s embarrassing!”

Sookie was still wiping tears when she left. She had instructed Sam to shower while she vacuumed the trailer from top to bottom and changed all the linens. Afterwards, Sookie rubbed cortisone cream on his bites then gave him a couple Benadryl so he could get a good night’s sleep. Before she left she promised she would pick something up from the vet tomorrow, as long as Sam promised he would not run around naked with nothing but oatmeal spread all over him.

After all, Bon Temps had enough strange things going on and certainly did not need to add naked oatmeal man to the already impressive list of weird.

Disclaimer: “Summer Itch” is provided for entertainment purposes only and is a parody of the fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. The writer has no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said program nor any relation to Charlaine Harris, or the Sookie Stackhouse novels.

Written By: Reagan Grimes

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