True Blood Fans Can Get a Transfusion

September 20, 2010

Opera Can Satisfy the Lust for Blood

Bill Compton holding Lorena Krasiki right before Sookie Stackhouse ends her existence on True Blood.It is going to be a long wait for fans of HBO’s True BloodSeason 4 will not start until next summer and while we do have dvds we can watch, there might be a need for something else.

Bluebeard’s Castle may not be about vampires, but Duke Bluebeard certainly has a way with the ladies and his newest wife is not an exception. Do you want to find out how Judith reacted when he showed her his torture chamber?  Eric Northman might get a few suggestions from this one for his dungeon under Fangtasia.

Lucrezia Borgia:  She is an  Italian noblewoman who has already killed before the opera starts, and she just might be as insane as Lorena Krasiki. During the opera Lucrezia kills an entire ballroom full of guests with her poison, and one of the targets was her own son.

Dialogues of the Carmelites: Set during the French Revolution at a nunnery, this two-act opera is based on historical events that took place at a monestary of Carmelite.  The sounds of guillotines can be heard over singing nuns.

Lulu: Where else could you find suicide, lesbians, murder, blackmail and Jack the Ripper?  I think it is safe to say that while Lulu might resemble the confused Sookie Stackhouse, the comparison stops there.

Tosca: Torture, murder and suicde are the words of the day in the opera set in 1800 Rome. Though we would never want this to happen to Andy Bellefluer, the murder of the police chief is just one of the highlights of the performance filled with sex and violence.

People who are not opera fans may not have realized just how dramatic, scary, and bloody it can be.  Now is your chance to explore this realm and possibly find a way to pass those cold empty Sunday nights until we are once again graced with new episodes of our favorite show.

SOURCE: — 5 Operas That Are Truly Bloodier Than ‘True Blood’

(Image Credit: HBO Inc.)


There’s a new Sheriff in town! Sheriff Andy Bellefleur’s Police Blotter

July 24, 2010

Bon Temps Police Blotter #142I


Great. I can’t even get my foot in the door these days without shit happening. Since Bud Dearborn left, this town’s turned into Bon Temps gone wild, especially since I have my new Deputy wannabe Jason  Stackhouse taggin’ along everywhere I go. By the looks of the complaints filling my inbox, that boy’s really gotta get a grip. “Note to self:  Speak with Stackhouse about wearing a proper uniform, starting with a shirt.”


Altercation at the local Grab-It-Quik. (I told ya’ll it was starting early these  days) Some stinking drunk in his filthy tighty whities claiming to be Sam Merlotte’s dad ran out with a 12 pack of malt liquor and a bag of kibble. I don’t care who’s daddy he might claim to be, you can’t be DIP in my town, especially at the God Damn crack of dawn. That’s Drunk In Public for those that don’t know. It’s an official police  term. Had to take him to the station to let him sleep it off. Far as I know, he’s still waiting for Sam to come and pick his ass up. I’m still wondering what he was doing with that kibble though….man don’t  even own a dog.


Sookie Stackhouse called again. Seems that vampire boyfriend of her’s is still missing. Just because she can’t keep a man doesn’t mean I have to use my good deputies to hunt him down. Man probably doesn’t wanna be found. If you ask me, Sookie ain’t wrapped to tight. This ones gonna have to wait. I have more important things to do. Like getting some jelly doughnuts and a cup of coffee. Maybe I should give this one to Jason Stackhouse and get them both out of my hair.


Sookie called….again. Seems she found Bill’s car on the road out of town. Guess this time I need to go investigate so I can shut her the hell up. Called Jason Stackhouse to meet me. May as well have him tag along so he can see just how hard this job really is. Seems my plan is working. He can deal with this while I deal with more important things like why Arlene is at the local library and called and asked Kenya if being a serial killer runs in the family.


Arrived at the scene and Stackhouse was already there and Sookie was gone. Thank God for small favors.  At least I didn’t have to sit here and listen while she ran her mouth about how we needed to drop everything and find her dead boyfriend. Bills car was tipped over and totaled. He sure did go through some extreme to get away from her…wonder what she did this time. Stackhouse was picking up what looked to be the remains of some kind of animal and tainting the evidence. What a dumb ass. I was already feeling it wasn’t the brightest move bringin’ that boy along. Time to send him back to the station to do more paperwork.

Got an anonymous tip that a local dog fighting ring is going on right here in Bon Temps. That just ain’t right. This one I’m going to investigate on my own. There is one thing I will not stand for in my town and that’s cruelty to animals.


Got a call from Kenya. Maxine Forteberry called with one of her vampire complaints again. A local teen stole 100 plastic fangs from the local five and dime parking lot and of course Maxine thinks there was some kind of vampire involvement. She is accusing Jessica Hamby of influencing the local youth into some kind of crime wave conspiracy for her own, and I quote, “sick pleasures”. Why me? Just the paperwork alone on this is going to be hell. What makes that woman think I have the time to sit down and itemize 100 plastic Fangs? I’ve got much more important things to do. Sounds like a job for Jason Stackhouse. Now that I think of it I need to look into the protocol for registering new vampires as citizens of this town.


Lunch. Time to grab a burger and fries at Merlotte’s and question Sam Merlotte about this daddy of his. Seems he may have something to do with these dogfights. Sam wasn’t too forth coming as usual. But what do I expect from a guy that runs butt naked through the woods. Hmmmm…Didn’t he say his parents were nudists??  “Note to self:  Have Stackhouse question Sam’s Daddy about this at a later date. We just may have to take some preventive measures to avoid any more “NIP’s” which is police talk for “Naked in Public”


Had the last bite of my burger when all hell broke loose. Can’t a man eat around here without something always happening???? Seems Stackhouse has been pulling over the local women and trying to get their phone numbers. How many times do I have to tell that boy only ask for the license, registration and insurance card??? Not their dang phone numbers! I swear, that boy’s gonna be the death of me!


Just as I thought the coast was clear and headed out of the driveway of Merlotte’s , I got stopped by Maxine Fortenberry….again. Another complaint against the vampires. Can’t this woman give it a rest? Ever since she started that MADV campaign I got more crimes against humanity than I can shake a stick at. Seems some local fangs were bangin’ some bangers at the local truck stop “in broad moonlight” right outside of town last night. How on earth Maxine got a youtube of this is beyond me, but she did.  Gonna have to keep this one away from Stackhouse. He’ll never get any work done if he starts investigating this. All these new crimes, I’m gonna have to make up some new police jargon. Guess I’ll be calling this one in particular FBIP for Fang Banging In Public. Sounds good to me.


Got a call from Jason Stackhouse. Seems I need to talk to Sam again about the serving of minors and the impact it has on his liquor license. According to Stackhouse, Arlene was serving the local football team while we were occupied at Bud’s retirement party. Stackhouse claimed he confiscated the evidence but in turn drank it. I must speak to him about the proper filing procedures of evidence at a later date.


Still investigating the unidentified body that was found in the ditch. Due to his lack of head and hands which are, uhhhhh, critical body parts to identify an individual, we have yet to put a name with the body. We have yet to receive any missing persons reports with the exception of Vampire Bill and it is our understanding that the vampires disintegrate upon death.


Got a call from Lettie Mae Thornton. Seems Tara’s gone missin’ again and her last phone call was to  Sookie. Here comes that name again.  Sooookie….That’s it, I’m calling  it a day. Deputy Kenya Jones can take can take it from here. Things are getting crazy, considering what’s happened in the last two weeks even for this town…But at least we know one thing, the body in the ditch, is not Tara Thornton.

Header Design: Kasandra Rose

This po-lice blotter is presented as parody of Alan Ball’s HBO original series True Blood and there is no connection to any bat shit crazy thing anyone has done, real or imagined, living or dead. If you want to report some dumb ass thing you saw in town that I gotta go look into just leave a comment below. If you wanna confess you can leave a comment too. If you wanna complain, don’t bother puttin in your 2 cents you’re probably guilty as sin. And if you wanna leave me a coupon for your eatery or the car wash just put the details in the comments section too. Yeah, it’s not anonymous, just suck it up!

This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. “Reality Bites” and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

(Header credit: Kasandra Rose)


Sam Trammell Talks To Access Hollywood About Finale

September 13, 2009

sam-merlotte-sam-trammell-season-2-newIt appears that Season 2 is one to remember, well if you are Sam Merlotte. Just when life seemed to begin looking up with his bar doing well in the small town of Bon Temps, his past comes back to haunt in the form of a maenad better known as Maryann. He also has been placed in jail and almost sacrificed. Sam Merlotte has watched his content little world begin to unfold right before his eyes. His fellow Bon Temps residents walking around with black eyes and under Maryann’s influence, all ready to attack him and bring him to her. Sam doesn’t seem to know what to do any more. He can’t keep running, when Maryann wants something she seems to always get it.

Just when it felt like we should all bid farewell to the down to earth, laid back character, Jason Stackhouse returns from his brainwashing retreat and teams up with Andy Bellefleur, the detective who is the only one in town on Sam’s side. The team go in to save Sam one more time.

Maryann hasn’t given up and the Season 2 finale puts Sam on the line one more time.

Access Hollywood spoke to Sam Trammell who plays Sam Merlotte on the eve of the anticipated Season Two finale.

When asked what it was like being the center of attention on the show the last few episodes, Sam Trammell replied,

“It’s pretty fun. I sort of have enjoyed this year even more than last year. Sam’s journey this year has just been so intense because I’ve been under the gun from day one and knowing about Maryann and her power when everybody else [didn’t]. And it’s just really heavy duty everything he goes through. The betrayals that [fellow shape shifter] Daphne did to me and almost getting killed at [Maryann’s] orgy — it’s pretty heavy. But the season finale is going to be awesome and I’m definitely an integral part of all that.”

Access Hollywood also asked Sam about what he thought about job security when he read the script and saw that he might be leaving town. He knew that nobody is safe in the show yet he was a little worried. He asked creator Alan Ball if he was really leaving town and Ball said of course not. That is good news for all Sam Merlotte fans. Yet, Sam does mention that the finale does leave one major character in big trouble. He sure does love to leave us biting our fingernails in anticipation doesn’t he?

We’ve all noticed how much this season has differed from the first – lack of clothing. Thanks to Maryann’s influence, nearly all of the cast has spent long sets filming in the buff. So what does Sam Trammell think of all the nudity and sex scenes? Here is what he told Access Hollywood:

“It’s been very strange… I’ve seen some things that I did not ever want to see in my life. It’s bizarre and people were really naked. But the tough thing about it, even though we were shooting in Malibu, it was freezing cold. I got in my car one night – because we shoot all night – and the thermometer said 34 degrees and there was frost on it. It almost became about survival. When they said ‘Cut!’ people would huddle together under blankets and get near heaters.”

He was then asked how people handle stuff like that on set. Sam said that a lot of people in wardrobe would bring out robes and blankets as soon as the word ‘cut’ was said. It’s true when he says that one of the toughest things when you’re working as an actor is to pretend your warm when you’re not. Sam also mentions that due to people being nude or with most of their clothing removed, there is a lot of calorie counting and working out to stay in shape. He laughs and says he doesn’t eat before shooting and is careful about what he eats because all of his weight is gained in his belly. That is one thing I couldn’t imagine.

With Maryann, she’s the type of character you either love her or hate her. Obviously Michelle Forbes is a great actress if she can pull emotion off of you, that includes all the Maryann haters. You have to dislike her for a reason, and that is the actors skill to bring that across the screen. Now Sam Merlotte has good reason to hate Maryann, but what does Sam Trammell think of Michelle Forbes? This is what he said when asked:

“I love Michelle, she’s one of my favorite people on the show. We get to work with her a lot …. We met each other before we did the show — we had some mutual friends, so that was kind of a bonding thing. She’s really cool and she’s so good at that part and she’s so open and free and she has fun, but she’s kind of creepy. She’s just a cool chick, y’know?”

Rolling with the idea of friends on set, Sam Trammell said that he is friends mostly whomever he works with. I guess a man could never have too many friends, right? Sam knew Chris Bauer, who plays Andy, before the show, and they are good friends. When asked about the announcement Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer made regarding their engagement, Sam said he did not see it coming. He had no idea what was going and didn’t believe Stephen at first when he was told halfway through last year. He also adds, “…it’s sort of a testament to how they carry themselves. They’re very professional and they don’t really carry it on the set.”

With the news that one of the main characters is in big trouble, I can bet that everyone will be on pins and needles for the finale tonight. I know I will be. Most of us hope that it isn’t Sam Merlotte on the chopping block. He’s the type of guy you can’t help but love. The countdown has begun to see what happens and how Alan Ball will finish up another great season of True Blood.

Credit: Access Hollywood

Photo credit:  HBO Inc.)