What’s Cookin’ — Jive Turkey Sloppy Joes

November 26, 2010

Lafayette comin’ atcha here. Youse know that I am an Entrepreneur! I work on da road crew to keep myself lookin’ hot and SEXAY and line my pockets with a little jingle. Then at nights I cook at Merlotte’s bar where all the local necks hang out. So now I’m branchin’ out and I’m goin’ to be Bon Temps version of da BAM! man. I mean no one has more Bam! Bam! Bam! than ‘lil ole me! And I kin cook too! Every week or so I’m going to teach y’all to make food good enough to melt even Nan Flanagan’s heart. Bon Chika Wow Wow – Appetit!

Jive Turkey Sloppy Joes

Child, youse know dat Turkey Day right around da corner. And you know down here, we gon get full off dat fried bird.

We gon have Nettie Mae’s macaroni and cheese, Tara’s green bean casserole, Sam’s potato salad, Arlene’s pumpkin pie, and Jason gon bring da dressing. I don’t know how well he gon do wit dat, but we gon give it a try. It’s his second Thanksgiving without Grams, so you know he gon be missing her.

And you remember what happened last year wit Andy and dat fried turkey. He darned near burned my whole property down, so you just know he ain’t got no invite to bring no food – we just told him to show up and fix himself a plate and we gon handle da cookin.

Heffers, I know y’all finna sit down da day after Thanksgiving to tryna figure out what you gonna do wit all dat leftover turkey. Turkey gumbo, turkey po-boys – well you get da picture. Well, ya boy gonna let you know whatcha can do wit da leftovers and yo family gonna love it.

Ingredients:

5 cups of leftover turkey

½ bottle of BBQ sauce

¼ cup of mustard

1/8 stick of butter

2 tablespoons of grape jelly

Creole seasoning

Throw all dem ingredients into dat Crock Pot and mix dem together well. Simmer on low for 5 hours. What youse can do is put dat in ya Crock Pot when you head over to da mall on Friday. By da time you get back in from all dat beatin da pavement, ya food gonna be ready to serve. Let dat mix cook all day and den serve dat on some French bread, toast, hamburger buns, or for you Yankees up north, hoagie buns.

Enjoy & Happy Turkey Day, tricks!

Written By: Arlene Culpepper

Graphics Creation Credits: Steven Easterly

Photo Credit:  www.tasteofhome.com

To read more yummy Lafayette approved recipes use the search function to find “What’s Cookin‘” in our archives!

Disclaimer: These recipes are provided for entertainment and culinary purposes only and should be made by ordinary humans only with ordinary ingredients. This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. What’s Cookin’ and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s or the Sookie Stackhouse novels.

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What’s Cookin’ — Da Po-Boy’s Po-Boy

October 9, 2010

What's Cookin Header
Lafayette comin’ atcha here. Youse know that I am an Entrepreneur! I work on da road crew to keep myself lookin’ hot and SEXAY and line my pockets with a little jingle. Then at nights I cook at Merlotte’s bar where all the local necks hang out. So now I’m branchin’ out and I’m goin’ to be Bon Temps version of da BAM! man. I mean no one has more Bam! Bam! Bam! than ‘lil ole me! And I kin cook too! Every week or so I’m going to teach y’all to make food good enough to melt even Nan Flanagan’s heart. Bon Chika Wow Wow – Appetit!

Da Po-Boy’s Po-Boy

Hola, mis amigos!  Ha, ya boy been wanting to say dat dere.  I been ‘round Jesus so long, I’m pickin’ up his lingo.  I love dat language.
How y’all been durin’?  I hope well ‘cuz I gots anotha recipe fo ya, but first let me tell you tramps what I been up to ….

Ya boy been doin’ all kinda stuff while hangin’ out with Jesus.  Dat man dere – I tell ya.  He is so hot and spicy … he makes ya boy just wanna holler. Me and Jesus was hangin’ out the other night when I got off work at Merlotte’s.  Lawd knows I sho didn’t want to come home and cook but my man was hungry and I had to hook him up.  I got ready to whip somethin’ up when Tara called.  Lawd, dat girl can’t do nothin’ right since Eggs done gone and got himself killed.  I ain’t far from tellin’ her she need to come with me to the head doctor.

Once I took care of dat, I came back home and started looking around da kitchen and found just what I needed to get a quick snack poppin’.  Lawd, Jesus loved it too.  He ain’t never had no po-boy, but I have. Shiiii, I gets at least one every time I go to N’awlins.  Matter of fact, a friend of mines down there showed me how to make this hear mean one.

Imma have to put da po-boy on da menu to my house.  Imma start getting’ used to Jesus hangin’ around…  And trust, that boy ain’t goin’ nowhere long as I keep cookin’ like I do.

Here ya go – enjoy did easy meal:

Ingredients:

French bread

Link of smoked sausage

2 slices of American Cheese

Lettuce

Tomato (sliced)

Mayonnaise

Spicy Creole Mustard

Louisiana Hot Sauce

Child, ya gotta put the link of sausage in a pot of boiling water and let it boil til it rises to da top and is heated well through and through.  While ya doing dat, cut dat bread lengthwise and spread da mayo and mustard on it.  Put da cheese on da bottom piece, remove dat link from da water and drain it.  Den ya gonna slice da link lengthwise and place it flat against da bottom piece of bread, on top of da cheese.  Top with lettuce and tomatoes and sprinkle some dat Weeziana hawt sauce (‘cuz I knows you hookahs be liking things spicy), and close da bread.  Cut da po-boy in half and serve with pickles, olives and chips.

Ain’t nothin’ else dat quick, easy and unique.  Ooops, sounds like I just described ya boy!  Til next time, you fools keep it poppin.  I’ll be back real soon with anotha recipe and let ya’ll know what I been up to.

Written by: Arlene Culpepper

(Photo credit: www.blackenedout.com/2009_12_01_archive.html )

Graphics Creation Credits: Steven Easterly

To read more yummy Lafayette approved recipes use the search function to find “What’s Cookin‘” in our archives!

Disclaimer: These recipes are provided for entertainment and culinary purposes only and should be made by ordinary humans with only ordinary ingredients. This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. What’s Cookin’ and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

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What’s Cookin’ – Mint Julep

August 5, 2010

Lafayette comin’ atcha here. Youse know that I am an Entrepreneur! I work on da road crew to keep myself lookin’ hot and SEXAY and line my pockets with a little jingle. Then at nights I cook at Merlotte’s bar where all the local necks hang out. So now I’m branchin’ out and I’m goin’ to be Bon Temps version of da BAM! man. I mean no one has more Bam! Bam! Bam! than ‘lil ole me! And I kin cook too! Every week or so I’m going to teach y’all to make food good enough to melt even Nan Flanagan’s heart. Bon Chika Wow Wow – Appetit!

Child, ya boy been drinkin’ himself in oblivion dis week. Youse know how my past week went and well …. It wasn’t good at all. I got dumped by a sexy mofo and it ain’t feel too good. I sho didn’t see that comin’. He think my pharmaceutical sales is a lil too much for him? He just don’t know. Dat’s da whole reason I can afford to pay part of his pitiful salary – cuz you know I be keepin’ my moms in da home wit ma lil side jobs. Well all I gots to say to dat is “Whateva”. I ain’t got to prove nothin’ to no one and I sho ain’t gots to worry about him. Imma be okay. Ya boy sho gone show him I ain’t need need or nobody else. Cept maybe Tara, whereva she at.

Enough about lil ol’ me. I wants to make sho y’all gots something cool to sip on during these hot days of summer. I tells Arlene to make these fo dem necks sometime. Dey love dem thangs. But den again, dem necks like anything that be havin’ dat bourbon in it. You know how we do down here.

Ingredients:

2.5 ounces of bourbon (whiskey)

4 fresh sprigs of mint

2 teaspoons of water or tonic

1 teaspoon of powdered sugar

Directions: Mix mint leaves, water and powdered sugar in a tall, slim glass. Fill dat glass with some crushed ice, add da bourbon, mix well and serve to yo guests. Child, just don’t get too taka laka cuz’ you know some crazy stuff could go down. Til next time, enjoy ya lil refreshments.

(Photo credit: K. S. Rose)

Graphics Creation Credits: Steven Easterly

To read more yummy Lafayette approved recipes use the search function to find “What’s Cookin‘” in our archives!

Disclaimer: These recipes are provided for entertainment and culinary purposes only and should be made by ordinary humans only with ordinary ingredients. This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. What’s Cookin’ and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

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What’s Cookin’ – Renard Parish Roasted Creole Potatoes

July 12, 2010

Lafayette comin’ atcha here. Youse know that I am an Entrepreneur! I work on da road crew to keep myself lookin’ hot and SEXAY and line my pockets with a little jingle. Then at nights I cook at Merlotte’s bar where all the local necks hang out. So now I’m branchin’ out and I’m goin’ to be Bon Temps version of da BAM! man. I mean no one has more Bam! Bam! Bam! than ‘lil ole me! And I kin cook too! Every week or so I’m going to teach y’all to make food good enough to melt even Nan Flanagan’s heart. Bon Chika Wow Wow – Appetit!

Renard Parish Roasted Creole Potatoes

Child, yo boy LaFayette is so tired.  Youse know I work hard at all of dems job I been having and now I gots one mo.

Dem fools over dere at BP done gone and caused a mess just off our coast.  I don’t know if dey ever gone get dis mess cleaned up, but I went down here to see if I could get rid of some of Eric’s junk.  Man, dem people be going crazy over dat vampire blood.  I done gone and got a bunch of dem folks hooked on dat stuff.

Yo boy been down there and den had to come back to Renard Parish and deal wit all of Tara’s drama.  She done gone and lost her everlovin mind over Eggs.  I be cookin for her to try to cheer her up.  I just hope dat she don’t find out what really went down when Eggs got shot.  She gone lose her mind fo sho if dat happens.

Imma share one of Tara’s favorite dishes with y’all.  I figured since da 4th of July was coming up, you could serve dis along with yo barbeque.  She love my potatoes.  Lettie Mae be gettin me to make dem fo her to take to da church functions.  Dem folks love my stuff, do dey think dat Lettie Mae herself be making dat.  And dat fool don’t tell em no different.

Here go da recipe:

Ingredients

2 pounds of red potatoes (child, cut dem things up in some lil cubes)

1 chopped yellow onion

1 chopped green better pepper

2 cloves of garlic (diced)

Sprinkle of cayenne pepper

Creole seasoning (to taste)

1 stalk of green onions

1 stalk of celery

Olive oil

1 links of andouille sausage

Heat dat oven up to bout 400 degrees.  Toss dem potatoes in a roasting pain and mix wit all other ingredients.  Drizzle dat olive oil all over dem and mix well.  Roast dem thangs in dat oven fo about 45 minutes.  Make sure you turn dem every few minutes.  When dey turn golden brown, dey ready.

Now I like my potato salad on da 4th, but dis here recipe is a nice substitute or even addition to yo menu.  Holler atcha boy and lemme know how dat turn out.

(Photo credit: http://images.marthastewart.com/images/content/pub/ms_living/2004Q4/a100770_1004_pttcrd2_l.jpg)

Graphics Creation Credits: Steven Easterly

To read more yummy Lafayette approved recipes use the search function to find “What’s Cookin‘” in our archives!

Disclaimer: These recipes are provided for entertainment and culinary purposes only and should be made by ordinary humans only with ordinary ingredients. This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. What’s Cookin’ and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

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What’s Cookin’-Bon Temps Special Chicken Salad

May 9, 2010

Lafayette comin’ atcha here. Youse know that I am an Entrepreneur! I work on da road crew to keep myself lookin’ hot and SEXAY and line my pockets with a little jingle. Then at nights I cook at Merlotte’s bar where all the local necks hang out. So now I’m branchin’ out and I’m goin’ to be Bon Temps version of da BAM! man. I mean no one has more Bam! Bam! Bam! than ‘lil ole me! And I kin cook too! Every week or so I’m going to teach y’all to make food good enough to melt even Nan Flanagan’s heart. Bon Chika Wow Wow – Appetit!

Bon Temps Special Chicken Salad!

Child, ya boy been hanging out in dat Who Dat Nation.  You might know it better as da Crescent City or New Orleans.  I been in da East over der by ma boy house.  He live by da Chef Pass.  We been up to all kind of stuff, if ya know what I mean.  He found me a couple of gigs and I lost track of time.  Ain’t no tellin’ what I’d a got myself into if I’d a stayed out der.  New Orleans ain’t no joke!  I was hopin’ to run into a couple dem fine Saints players, but it ain’t happen, ‘cept in my dreams.

We tried to get ol Andy to come hang out wit us, but youse know that ain’t happen.  Andy too scared to get outta his element.  He like to stay to his housde right der in Bon Temps.  Anyway, Sam called and said he need me back to work, so I went ahead on and went back up der.  He been getting busy lately and Sookie not der to help.  She been in Dallas organizing a search party to look for Vampire Bill.  I sho hope he okay.  No telling what dem ruthless vampires done to him.  You just never know when it comes to dem.

Well, I got a new recipe for ya.  Dis one is good on da heart and is easy and delicious – oh, nah dat sound like me I just described, but anyways, I think you gonna like dis here recipe:

Ingredients:

1 rotisserie chicken, baked
1 cup mayonnaise
1 stalk celery
1 boiled egg
Creole seasoning

Tear apart chicken and put in food processor.  Once chopped, put chicken in large bowl.  Grate egg and add all other ingredients.  Mix together well and season to taste.  You can spice things up a little by stuffing a tomato with the mixture, eating it on crackers or making sandwiches.  Youse gonna love dis recipe and ya can thank ya boy later.  It’ll be a hit at parties or to feed da family on da weekend.  Quick, simple and tasty!

By da way, in case you was wonderin’ what so “special” bout dis recipe, it’s cuz of my secret ingredient.  Oh well, I can let ya in on dat – it’s da chicken dat you use.  Ain’t nothing else make dat chicken salad have as much taste as dem chicken’s dat been cooked slowly wit all dat seasoning.

Keep checking back.  It’s swimsuit season and ya boy tryin’ to keep his girlish figure.  I’ll be back wit some lowfat, delicious recipes.

(Photo credit: http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/)

Graphics Creation Credits: Steven Easterly

To read more yummy Lafayette approved recipes use the search function to find “What’s Cookin‘” in our archives!

Disclaimer: These recipes are provided for entertainment and culinary purposes only and should be made by ordinary humans only with ordinary ingredients. This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. What’s Cookin’ and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

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What’s Cookin’ – Who Dat Latte

March 12, 2010


Lafayette comin’ atcha here. Youse know that I am an Entrepreneur! I work on da road crew to keep myself lookin’ hot and SEXAY and line my pockets with a little jingle. Then at nights I cook at Merlotte’s bar where all the local necks hang out. So now I’m branchin’ out and I’m goin’ to be Bon Temps version of da BAM! man. I mean no one has more Bam! Bam! Bam! than ‘lil ole me! And I kin cook too! Every week or so I’m going to teach y’all to make food good enough to melt even Nan Flanagan’s heart. Bon Chika Wow Wow – Appetit!

Whasssup????? Ya boy Lafayette is back in full effect. I been gone off da town fo a minute. Youse wouldn’t believe where I been. Lawd, I went to New Orleans for Super Bowl Sunday and I ain’t come back home til this past weekend. Sam still mad at me. I think ol Sookie even mad at me. I walked through that door at Merlotte’s like nothing ever happened. Next thang I know, dey all over me talkin’ bout “Lafayette, we thought Eric had you again or something.” Hmmm, he should be so lucky.

Child, ya boy was hangin out in dat French Quarter. My voice still ain’t come back yet. I betcha I be yellin “Who Dat” in my sleep! Man, look, we was on Bourbon Street watching da end of dat game and lawd, when dey ran dat clock down, Bourbon was off da heezy. Ya boy wasn’t comin home til gots to see him some of dem sexy mens that made dat happen.

I made plans to stick around til Tuesday so I could catch me some beads and maybe some numbers, too. When dat float wit those defensive backs passed by, child, ya boy passed out. I loves me some defensive backs, especially dem ones da New Orleans Saints got. I saw a couple of dem sweaty mens and next thang I know, dey was picking me up off da sidewalk. I got weak when I looked up and dey was throwin’ beads to me and da rest as dey say, was history. I decided to stick around New Orleans for a while. You never know who you gonna meet down there, but you know you gonna have a good time. There ain’t no other way!

Man, dat win was a long time comin. But you know what else a long time coming? My next recipe. And child, dis here recipe a short one, but one that gonna wake you up. Make sure you make it for ya man or woman, whichever one you got. It’ll really get ya blood to pumpin!

Ingredients:

1 tablespoon of flavored syrup

¾ cup of milk

8 oz. strong coffee

Directions:

Brew coffee however ya normally do. Once dat coffee finished brewing, mix all dem ingredients together and pour over ice. Now it’s ready to drank just like dat, but make sho you put some whipped cream all over it. You wanna get fancy, you can put some chocolate shavings or something like it.

Ya boy don’t worry bout them shavings. All I worry about is da whipped cream. And you know ya boy can find some uses for dat.

Til next time folks, Who Dat talkin bout Lafayette can’t cook? Who Dat! Who Dat!

(Photo credit: http://www.virtualbay.co.nz/totallyroasted/pics/latte-bowl-602.jpg)

Graphics Creation Credits: Steven Easterly

To read more yummy Lafayette approved recipes use the search function to find “What’s Cookin‘” in our archives!

Disclaimer: These recipes are provided for entertainment and culinary purposes only and should be made by ordinary humans only with ordinary ingredients. This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. What’s Cookin’ and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

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What’s Cookin! – Mardi Gras Cabbage

January 18, 2010

Lafayette comin’ atcha here.  Youse know that I am an Entrepreneur!  I work on da road crew to keep myself lookin’ hot and SEXAY and line my pockets with a little jingle.  Then at nights I cook at Merlotte’s bar where all the local necks hang out.  So now I’m branchin’ out and I’m goin’ to be Bon Temps version of da BAM! man.  I mean no one has more Bam! Bam! Bam! than ‘lil ole me!  And I kin cook too! Every week or so I’m going to teach y’all to make food good enough to melt even Nan Flanagan’s heart. Bon Chika Wow Wow – Appetit!

Child, ya boy is back after takin’ some time off to celebrate da new year. I spent da new year in Dallas and it was off da chain! There was good lookin’, sweaty mens everywhere and ya best believe ya boy kept himself busy.

When I got home to Bon Temps, it was back to servin’ da necks at Merlotte’s. I been tryin’ to come up wit some new recipes since dat Mardi Gras right around da corner. I won’t be here to handle up on da cookin’, so I gots to leave Terry wit some directions so he can take care of my peeps while I’m New Orleans.

I got a special friend dat I met while surfin’ da web and he’s done gone and invited me to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Aw Sookie, Sookie nah ….. dat’s all I gots to say bout dat. We gonna stay at dat luxurious French Quarter hotel, Hotel Monteleone. Once I gets there, I plan to take myself a lil nap and then head on down to Bourbon Street, right in da middle of da action. I will keep y’all posted on dis and might even send ya some tweets or somethin’ live from da scene!

For now, I want y’all to try my new recipe I call Mardi Gras Cabbage:

Ingredients

1 head of cabbage

Creole seasoning

1 yellow onion

1 bell pepper

½ pound of smoked sausage

1 tablespoon of butter

1 link of tasso

1 clove of garlic

Directions

Slice cabbage and cover in water. Bring to a boil after adding Creole seasoning. In a saucepan, melt butter and sauté sausage, tasso, onion, bell pepper, and garlic. Mix inta da cabbage, cover and cook til well done. Youse kin use a pressure cooker at this point like we do at Merlotte’s ta cut down the time but don’t be blowin’ yerselves up now.. y’hear? Unless’n yer name is Eric Norhman then I’m not so’s particular bout yer safety.. but that’s a story fer another day. Yer kin serve dis over rice or alone.

Now wheres did I put those gold lame pants and that HOT black top? You knows I gotsta look good for the parades! Or maybe dat new purple one piece…

(Photo credit: http://i.ehow.com/images/GlobalPhoto/Articles/4873696/cabbage-main_Full.jpg)

Graphics Creation Credits: Steven Easterly

To read more yummy Lafayette approved recipes go to the “What’s Cookin‘” archives!

Disclaimer: These recipes are provided for entertainment and culinary purposes only and should be made by ordinary humans only with ordinary ingredients.  This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement.  What’s Cookin’ and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

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What’s Cookin! – Lafayette’s Famous Fudge

December 29, 2009

Lafayette comin’ atcha here.  Youse know that I am an Entrepreneur!  I work on da road crew to keep myself lookin’ hot and SEXAY and line my pockets with a little jingle.  Then at nights I cook at Merlotte’s bar where all the local necks hang out.  So now I’m branchin’ out and I’m goin’ to be Bon Temps version of da BAM! man.  I mean no one has more Bam! Bam! Bam! than ‘lil ole me!  And I kin cook too! Every week or so I’m going to teach y’all to make food good enough to melt even Nan Flanagan’s heart. Bon Chika Wow Wow – Appetit!

Lafayette’s Famous Fudge

Happy Holidays, Hookahs.  Ya boy’s back wit some holiday cheer for ya heffers.  I hope each and every one of youse had a great holiday.

I’m bout to impart some knowledge for ya that you can use for ya Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve feasts.  You just know round here we got that fire when it comes to da food.  Louisiana is da bomb!

Lettie Mae had a spread that would make you want to slap ya mama. Errbody who’s anybody in Bon Temps was there.  Hell, Terry and Arlene was even there with the kids.  And Andy with his dumb self.  Get this.  Andy calls up Tara a couple days ‘fo Thanksgiving, talking bout, “Tara, Imma come over to ya Mama house and fry up a turkey ‘fo Thanksgiving.”  Yeah, well, I am more than certain you hookahs know how that went down.  Thank goodness me and Terry was off work and already over there helping wit da festivities or else Lettie Mae’s house woulda looked like da one those vampires was living in – crispy, crunchy and burned clean to da ground.

Andy outside, right?  He got the burner going and he put da pot and da oil in it.  He gets da brilliant idea to get it to boiling and you know ol’ Andy – dat fool too proud to ask another man fo’ help and lo and behold, he dropped da turkey into dat boiling hot oil all by himself – ‘cept he knocked over the pot while he was doing dat.

Child, listen to ya boy when I tells ya that ya don’t want to be nowhere round when dat oil hits da flames.  Lettie Mae’s backyard looked like a forest fire.  And yeah, then dat’s when Andy’s crazy self decides to yell for help. He better be glad that wasn’t his own house else I’d have let it burn, baby burn!  But youse know I can’t do that to my favorite auntie so I ran outside to see what I could do to fix Andy’s mess.  I saw what was happening and I said, “Lawd Andy, what you done now?!”  It was quite a sight to say da least.  For some stupid reason, Andy thought fanning the flame with his shirt was gonna help put it out.  Man, I grabbed the fire extinguisher and commenced to savin’ da day.  If ain’t learned nothin’ else workin’ on dat road crew, I learned how to put out a fire or two.  Jason was always doin’ stupid stuff and I done put out a few a his fires in my day.

Once Andy finished burnin’ down half da neighborhood, I went back in da house to make my famous fudge.  Imma share dis’ witcha, but don’t tell nobody, or else I might have to ice ya:

Ingredients:

½  cup light corn syrup

2 sticks butter

4 cups granulated sugar

1 can condensed milk

1 cup peanut butter

1 tablespoon vanilla extract

Instructions:

Spray a cake pan with vegetable spray and set is on da side til you finish making da mix.  In a large saucepan, mix up sugar, condensed milk, corn syrup, and butter.  Ya want to cook it on medium high heat.  Now you can’t be playin’ on da internet or “workin” while none of dis is going on, else you gonna burn the mixture.  Stir it like coffee – put yo hips in it.  Keep stirrin it til it’s completely melted and take yo candy thermometer and stir til it gets to 240 degrees.  Don’t let it get above dat else you’ll ruin da mix.  Once it get there, take it off da heat and stir in da peanut butter and vanilla.  Stir dat mixture good til it gets smooth and pour it in da pan and let sit til ya’ll ready to eat. Den cut into bars or squares.

You can also give dis as a gift.

Now dat’s whaassup!

(Photo credit: http://fariellos.com)

Graphics Creation Credits: Steven Easterly

To read more yummy Lafayette approved recipes go to the “What’s Cookin‘” archives!

Disclaimer: These recipes are provided for entertainment and culinary purposes only and should be made by ordinary humans only with ordinary ingredients.  This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement.  What’s Cookin’ and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

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What’s Cookin! – Louisiana Seafood Fetuccini

November 24, 2009

What's-Cookin'-Safe

Lafayette comin’ atcha here.  Youse know that I am an Entrepreneur!  I work on da road crew to keep myself lookin’ hot and SEXAY and line my pockets with a little jingle.  Then at nights I cook at Merlotte‘s bar where all the local necks hang out.  So now I’m branchin’ out and I’m goin’ to be Bon Temps version of da BAM! man.  I mean no one has more Bam! Bam! Bam! than ‘lil ole me!  And I kin cook too! Every week or so I’m going to teach y’all to make food good enough to melt even Nan Flanagan‘s heart. Bon Chika Wow Wow – Appetit!

Louisiana Seafood Fetuccini

Welcome back.  Howyamamaanddem?  Child, I sho hope you all doin’ well.  We done had a scare down in these here parts over da past couple of days.  Since those hurricanes ran up in here over da past couple of years, everybody kind of gun shy, ya heard me?  I know youse remember seeing all dem people in New Orleans after Katrina hit.  Katrina was a real witch, you know what I’m sayin?  She did a serious number on us and nobody here’s gonna forget about her anytime soon.

Well, we nearly had another visitor over da weekend – that being Ida, a hurricane turned tropical storm.  Ida had everybody kinda scared round here.  Everybody in Bon Temps was buying up all da water and canned goods. That crazy-azz Maxine Fortinberry still in her storm cellar I hears tell. Not me – I said I ain’t even much gonna worry my nerves bout that storm.  If she come here, then I was just gonna deal with it then.  Lord knows I done been through a whole lot worse than a little ol’ storm.

Anyway, it’s time to get back down to bidness and that means me bringing y’all some more finger lickin’ grub.  Now here’s a recipe that is easy and tasty – kind of like ya boy!  Jokes – I got jokes – so let’s get to the recipe.

Ingredients:

1 pound of crawfish tails or shrimp

1 stick of butter

1 yellow onion (doan let no vampires cut these, we don’t needs no blood in our seafood!)

1 green bell pepper

1 stalk of green onions

1 large can of cream of mushroom soup

½ block of Velveeta (not the super industrial size, hooka use some sense!)

Directions:

Saute onions, bell pepper and seafood in butter until tender.  I like to do a little dance while my food simmers.  You do what you like, but doing a little jig makes it a heck of lot more interesting and the time flies by.  Next, you want to add a can of cream of mushroom soup and can of water.  Cook until smooth and then add chunks of Velveeta.  Cook and stir until completely smooth.  Serve over fetuccini noodles, angel hair or bowtie pasta.

seafood-fettucini

(Photo credit: http://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/01/2e/94/67/seafood-fettucini.jpg)

Graphics Creation Credits: Steven Easterly

To read more yummy Lafayette approved recipes go to the “What’s Cookin‘” archives!

Disclaimer: These recipes are provided for entertainment and culinary purposes only and should be made by ordinary humans only with ordinary ingredients.  This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement.  What’s Cookin’ and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

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What’s Cookin’ – Down South Oven Fried Chicken

October 31, 2009

What's-Cookin'-Safe

Lafayette comin’ atcha here. Youse know that I am an Entrepreneur!  I work on da road crew to keep myself lookin’ hot and SEXAY and line my pockets with a little jingle.  Then at nights I cook at Merlotte’s bar where all the local necks hang out.  So now I’m branchin’ out and I’m goin’ to be Bon Temps version of da BAM! man.  I mean no one has more Bam! Bam! Bam! than ‘lil ole me!  And I kin cook too! Every week or so I’m going to teach y’all to make food good enough to melt even Nan Flanagan’s heart. Bon Chika Wow Wow – Appetit!

Down South Oven Fried Chicken

Child, I’m gonna tell you all about a favorite here in Louisiana – fried chicken – only dis here recipe gonna be a healthy one.  Youse know we got some issues here with our people havin’ sugar and heart problems.

Just dis week, Lettie Mae went to da doctor for a checkup and low and behold, he told her she gots to get on a healthy diet.  Now I don’t know if all those years of drinking her liquor did her in or what, but I know she ain’t eat right like she need to.  I don’t always myself, but I gets my exercise when I be working it for da camera.  Tween’ church and lookin’ out for Tara, Lettie Mae don’t be getting’ no exercise and she ain’t really got time to eat like she need to.  I gots to take her next week for some tests and stuff – I hope she okay.  Tara done dealt with enough drama in da past couple of months – da last thang she need is for her mama to be sick.

You know ya boy.  I minds my bidness, but I be wantin’ to help my friends and family, so I told myself I was gonna come up wid a recipe dat da folks round here would be wantin’ to eat.  I said, “What do dey be wantin’ at Merlotte’s dat seem so fattening, but could be healthier if it was cooked mo betta?”  Fried Chicken!  So I say, how can dat be made healthier?  By fryin’ it in da oven – dat’s how.  Hookahs, if you from ‘round here, you know people be droppin’ like flies from dat heart disease and if dey not having heart attacks and strokes, dey be going to da hospital for diabetes – sugar – dat’s what da ol’ folks call it.  Louisiana got da best food fa sho, but we got da worst health right along wid it.  I hopes you hookahs enjoy dis recipe – I worked real hard on dis one.

Ingredients:

¾ cup of buttermilk

Creole seasoning (season da breasts real good)

Boneless/skinless chicken

1 tablespoon of cooking oil

1 cup of Corn Flakes (child, you won’t believe how good dat be)

Preparation:

Put da oven on 350 degrees and get ready to get to work hookahs!  Pour da buttermilk in a bowl and add some Creole seasoning to it.  Put da Corn Flakes in a Ziploc bag and add some seasoning to it.  Smash da flakes real good until dey some crumbs.  Wash yo chicken and dip it in da milk and put in da bag wit da flakes and shake until da chicken’s good and coated.  Put da oil in da pan and add da chicken – make sure ya season it again after you put it in da pan.  Cover da pan and bake for 45 minutes – den take da cover off and bake another 30 minutes.

You can serve sweet potato fries or oven baked French fries wit dis or youse can even make a Sunday dinner out dis – add some mashed potatoes, green beans and yams.  Now dat’s whassup in a healthy way.

oven-baked-chicken

(Photo credit: http://www.webnesia.com/2008/05/saturday-dinner.html )

Graphics Creation Credits: Steven Easterly

To read more yummy Lafayette approved recipes go to the “What’s Cookin‘” archives!

Disclaimer: These recipes are provided for entertainment and culinary purposes only and should be made by ordinary humans only with ordinary ingredients.  This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement.  What’s Cookin’ and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

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