The Journal of Eric Northman – Edelweiss

July 30, 2010 by  

I think it is Monday but when you have seen over a thousand summers, time and dates have little meaning.  Since the Great Revelation there have been many things that deserved preservation for the sake of history but not nearly enough time to suffer the tedium of scribing them onto parchment.  The monotony of existence has gotten even worse with the invention of that vile concoction, True Blood. The elixir that enabled my kindred to emerge from the shadows and live as equals with our food.  Imagine that, being an equal with… mere mortals. Disgusting. I have killed thousands of them during my journey down through the course of history and have become inured to their pathetic little lives. I thought I had stomped out all sense of humanity, all interest in humanity, until recently when Bill Compton started dating that mind reader, Sookie Stackhouse.

When I first met her she was so brash and fiery that she reminded me of Pam.  I was amused by her sense of entitlement at first,  but when Bill killed another vampire to save this mouthy human, I decided to take a closer look.  There was something about Sookie that drew me to her.  I cannot put my finger on it.  When we were attacked by the suicide bomber from the Fellowship, I thought it would be amusing to trick Sookie into sucking the silver from my body and with it my blood thus binding her to me.  The fact that this would annoy Bill was just an added bonus to the charade.  But then when Sookie got close to me, I found the scent of her blood… intoxicating. The smell of her lingers in my memory; it recalls fields of the elusive edelweiss and the long, lazy, misspent summer days of my unbridled youth. Her every warm touch against my cold skin was exquisite. I knew then that I had to have her blood and her body.  Given my disdain for humans, this issue is vexing but time is on my side.

On another note, Bill Compton is in Jackson with Russell Edgington and his maker LorenaRussell has wanted to take over Sophie Ann‘s dominion for a long time.  Being a survivor, I was going to let the dust settle to see who I would be answering to.  But when the magister got involved and threatened my child Pam, I had no choice but to go to Mississippi and sink deeper into vampire politics which I wholeheartedly despise.  During a tour of Russell’s estate, I found my father’s crown prominently displayed among his trophies.  I have been searching for my parent’s killer for a millennium and it turns out he has been hiding in plain sight the entire time.  Russell is 3000 years old and will not be easy to kill.  But make no mistake, I will extract my revenge on His Royal Highness and use everything and everyone at my disposal to do so including Ms. Sookie Stackhouse.  I only wish that my maker Godric was here to witness my triumph.  He was not a fan of Edgington’s and my instincts told me the king had some convoluted plan involving the humans Godric came to admire. Now that I know what it is, to domesticate the humans, I myself am rather disinterested but I know that Godric at the end of his days would not have approved. Perhaps derailing the King’s plan may have given him a reason to stay longer upon the Earth, to not to leave me here without him.  Alone. Times like these are when I miss him most.

This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. “The Journal” and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlaine HarrisSookie Stackhouse novels.

Header credit: K. S. Rose

Co-Authored by K. S. Rose and Jim Gash