Welcome to Fangtastic Fashions!

November 6, 2009 by  

Fangtastic Fashions 2

Hello to all you droll humans, and welcome to my new little column here on TrueBloodNet.com! I’m Pam, and I’m going to help you with all your fashion queries and problems you may be having – and they are huge judging from what I see walk through the door at Fangtasia!  I have fantastic taste, even if I do have to say so myself! Being surrounded by men, and well, poor little Ginger who refuses to take my fashion tips is so frustrating! Men so rarely understand the fine points of fashion and especially not 1000 year old Vikings!  Why just last week Eric had brown socks on with his black pants!  ::Shudders:: Luckily for him, he does recognize my expertise and usually listens to my suggestions.  I picked out that stunning little number he wore to visit the Queen, a real winner wasn’t it?

If any of you humans have visited Fangtasia, you’ll be familiar with me… I’m the drop dead gorgeous blond who’s dressed to the nines that decides if you tastey enough to come in and party!… or not…. and if you’ve visited, you’re now in my vault.. along with whatever foolish human fashion choices you’ve made.  Oh yes, I mean you Betty Sue Fortenberry and your too tight plaid cotton hip huggers and horizontal stripped shortie tee with your hips bulging out over the sides.  It takes all sizes to make up the world but you need to dress for success not the circus!

I’ve decided to start this column to discuss the fashion that I see, in Shreveport and in Bon Temps and let everyone know what the rage in Europe is where I go to do all my shopping!

Obviously, if you’ve seen me at work you’ve seen my work clothes.  They’re very different from my everyday wear, but Eric says we have to dress up – it attracts the tourists,  just like you!

Now, this little note is just to say hello and let everyone know what’s coming up… I’m happy to answer all your fashion questions and comments, and I’ll discuss the fashion tastes of my friends and acquaintances.. Eric, Bill, Sookie… and anyone else that grabs my fancy.

In fact, speaking of Sookie, she is one succulent little morsel that I would love to have for a makeover!  In particular, her work uniform is just awful!  Obviously we all have to dress for work, but at least Eric doesn’t make me wear a tacky little tshirt with ‘Fangtasia’ splashed over it… Perish the thought!   I think I’d rather die again than be forced into something so low class! And don’t even get me started on the shorts and ‘sneakers’ that she wears… I mean, I’m on my feet all night, and there’s nothing I love better than a gorgeous pair of pumps just like the lovely ones shown at the top of the column which I ruined chasing after that menaed!  They were made by Betsey Johnson and are called ‘Risky’, a lovely name to go with an even more delicious d’Orsay Pump. With the creativity and streak of cruelty needed to make these wonderful shoes you just know she’s one of us, don’t you? And even you little people can buy them for a mere $120 and I don’t want to hear any whining either about the pain of wearing them OR paying for them. After all, dear humans… Like all worthwhile things, Beauty is Pain!!

So start writing your questions and comments and send them in.. I don’t like be be kept waiting…

To see past columns, when there are any, please check out the archives!

Disclaimer: This column is  provided for entertainment purposes only and does not reflect any actual criticism of the costumes worn on True Blood.  This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement.  Fangtastic Fashions and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.