The Collected Wit and Wisdom of True Blood’s Jason Stackhouse

February 24, 2010 by  

It seems that on every True Blood fan site, blog, and wiki, it is always Eric, Eric, Eric, or Bill, Bill, Bill. We think it is time to redress the balance, or as Jason would say, we need a divergence

In this article we celebrate that fine, dumb as a box full o’ hair, sexabilities-god, Jason Stackhouse. And it is his mind (or lack thereof) that we love, as much as his ripped physique.

So to that end here is the collected wit and wisdom of Jason as revealed in True Blood Seasons 1 and 2…

In Season 1 we got to see the more (ahem) physical side of Jason, so the audience didn’t really have a chance to appreciate his native wit and unique take on life. However, in Season 1 Jason revealed that he was perceptive:

Jason to Lafayette: “You’re wearing gold pants!”;

and witty, even under extreme duress:

Jason to Lafayette: “I got gout of the dick!!!”

But Jason‘s greatest contribution to the wisdom of the ages (and a warning to men everywhere) was his “big bad of crazy’ rule:

Jason to Amy: “I should’ve known something wasn’t right the second you walked into my life carrying that big bag of crazy! ‘Cause any woman with a purse that big’s bound to have something in it I don’t wanna know about!”

In Season 2, with his body not much required for anything but exhibition, Jason really hit his intellectual and philosophical straps.

The audience discovered he was a biblical scholar in this exchange:

Luke – “Think you walk on water don’t you Stackhouse?” Jason – “I’m pretty sure that was Moses.”

And an existential philosopher of note with:

Jason to Andy: “It’s like if a tree falls in the woods it’s still a tree, ain’t it?”

and how about:

Jason to Andy: “Do you think Sam could turn into a chicken and lay his own egg. Wouldn’t that be weird, eatin’ something that just came out of you?”


Jason to Sam: “I smite thee, Sam Merlotte. DIE!”

We all marvelled at his musings on life, love and the nature of good and evil in these exchanges:

Jason to Sookie: “When you love somebody, you gotta love it all, or it ain’t love.”


Jason to Luke: “Evil is making the premedicated choice to be a dick”


Jason to Andy: “Do you think Sam ever turned into a dog and then made it with a female dog?”

and , of course:

Jason to Steve: “I reckon I’ve already been to heaven and it’s inside your wife.”

And who could forget that subtle and profound question:

“Explain Europe to me?”

Wouldn’t we all like to have Europe explained.  Anyone?… Anyone?… Alan Ball? … Anyone?

Ah Jason, Jason, Jason, we love you and, yes, we too “love the smell of nail polish in the morning.”

(Photo credits: HBO Inc.; screencaps by James)

  • jaxx

    Thank you Patty. I had forgotten some of these. I just love Jasonisms. And, he is built to a T. You are right Nia, I love that Jason is more developed than in the books. AB played this one out well. Can’t wait until Jason’s character is really brought to life in the next couple of seasons. Love you Jason, don’t change (much). LOL.

  • Lenna

    The only one I can think of that you missed was the one with Sarah Newlin:

    Sarah: You’re worse than Judas!
    Jason: What’d he ever do to you?

    Ah, he has the best lines.

  • Reza in StL

    (Finale of S2, Jason, Scene w/ Andy) “I mean, if a tree falls in the woods, it’s still a tree, ain’t it?”

  • Katra

    Thanks for making me laugh so hard… While in Brit Lit…

    • Patty

      I aim to please. Of course Jason, his alter ego Ryan and the True Blood writers deserve all the credit for making him so hilarious.

  • Antonio

    This article is Really Cool! Thanks! I enjoyed reading it and recalling all of his goofy hair brained 1 liners! Not to forget Jason to Andy: Ah workout like a ***** (you know what) and
    Ah watch me porn and Ah learn things…Just Too Funny! And of course, That Jason-hugs-Bill thing kind of awkward and yet funny! Jason to Bill: Was it good fer you? Between Jason’s musings and Andy screaming out “pig!” just too funny! The scene in S1 Ep.4 Where Jason has his “problem” after taking too much V?? Hysterical I laughed myself silly for days!! In the finale of S2 after Jason shoots Eggs Talley I felt bad for him but he’s just So clueless I had to laugh too! Jason to Andy: holy **** Ah never killed nobaddy befo'”! He’s like the resident stud/idiot of Bon Temps! I enjoyed reading your article Jason Stackhouse is not unlike a tumbleweed tumbling about and no clue whats goin on? I can hardly wait to see how they develop his character further. BTW, I agree with you The secondary characters of the show are just as engaging as the principle cast! Some of the best storylines are about Jason,Andy,Terry definitely Laffayette, Hoyt and Jessica~~1 of my favorites and of course, Sam he praactically keeps that town going!

  • Nia

    Thank you Patty for the recap of so many of the great one liners by the incomparable Jason Stackhouse played so amazingly well by Ryan.

    If he didn’t have me saying wow everytime he took his shirt off or raising my eyebrows at his sexual prowess and luck with women, he had me laughing my you know what off with his simple yet oh so fun take on life!!

    Jason’s character has found its nitch in True Blood so much more so than in C H’s books ever did and I am so glad.

    I bless Alan B. everyday for his vision and for giving all these remarkable characters life.

    I look forward to S3 with great anticipation and will be keeping my watch on Jason, waiting for those great oneliners and bits of wisdom that only he can deliver!

    BTW, my husband watches TB mostly for Jason’s one liners.

    He leaves the smoldering eyed dark haired vampire to me… man!