Jason Stackhouse: The Scholar?

October 29, 2010 by  

Jason Ponders a Future at Renard Parish Community College

Decisions, decisions. That’s what I got to make and real soon. I done inherited a bigger family than Sookie and me coulda ever had and now it’s time to man up and take care of that family. Yep, folks – Jason Stackhouse is gonna be the head of household and he’s gonna have to make sure he has the money rolling in. I ain’t so sure that volunteering for the Renard Parish Sheriff’s Office is gonna bring in enough dough to feed my new family. Plus, I’m gonna need some gas money for my trips between Bon Temps and Hot Shot.

But that’s okay, ‘cuz I been thinking a long time about what kind of career I’m really lookin’ for. I been looking through this here course catalog from the Renard Area Technical College here in Bon Temps.

You know me, I get confused pretty quick like. I got real confused when I opened this thing and saw all these classes they offer. I started daydreamin’ and next thing you know, Andy was standin’ over me barking orders – something about them DEA guys being in his hair and whatnot.

I been sitting here looking through this here course catalog and I gots lots of choices. Let me know what you think I should pick. I got truck driving, culinary arts, welding, and all kinds of other stuff that might interest me.

I was thinking to myself, “Self,” – that’s me – Jason. “Self, you really gotta get you a diploma of some sort. Yeah, you was a hell of a football star at Bon Temps High, but ever since then, you just been kinda spinning your wheels and you done run that road crew pretty doggone good. Still, unless I get a whole bunch of jobs like Lafayette, there ain’t no way I can take care of a family making what I was making and I sure can’t do it as a deputy sheriff.” That’s when it hit me – there might be all kinds of stuff I can do.

I could drive one of them big rigs. Heck, truck drivers make lots of cash and there ain’t none in Bon Temps that I know of. Only trucks I really see come through here is the ones that deliver beer and True Blood to Merlotte’s. Maybe I could drive the True Blood delivery truck? Yeah, that might be what I might could do. Hmmm. Well, maybe not.

Wait, Culinary Arts? Hmmm, that might work. I could work with LaFayette at Merlotte’s, cookin’ and makin’ all kinds of fancy food. We could even go into business together and cater weddings and stuff. But then again, maybe not. I can’t even fry a egg – who am I foolin’?

Now Welding – that might be somethin’ I can put to good use. I know I saw some welding equipment in Hot Shot. I could make a whole lotta extra money on the side welding stuff. Or maybe not – I might blow something up and that wouldn’t be good.

I also got Barbering, Electronics and Air Conditioning and Refrigeration to choose from. They got plenty of people who need their hair cut and people gotta have their TVs and air conditioners repaired.

Decision, decisions. All I know is I won’t be joining any more cults. No sir, Jason Stackhouse ain’t gonna get mixed up with no more of that nonsense. And he ain’t so sure that the police academy is for him, either. What do you think, folks? Who knows? This here education stuff might just open up a whole new set of opportunities for me. Lord knows I need it. Grams would be so proud.

Disclaimer: “Jason Stackhouse, The Scholar?” is provided for entertainment purposes only and is a parody of the fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement. The writer has no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said program nor any relation to Charlaine Harris, or the Sookie Stackhouse novels.

Written By: Arlene Culpepper

Photo Credit: HBO (Screen Capture: James)