The Collected Wit and Wisdom of True Blood’s Jason Stackhouse

February 24, 2010 by  

It seems that on every True Blood fan site, blog, and wiki, it is always Eric, Eric, Eric, or Bill, Bill, Bill. We think it is time to redress the balance, or as Jason would say, we need a divergence

In this article we celebrate that fine, dumb as a box full o’ hair, sexabilities-god, Jason Stackhouse. And it is his mind (or lack thereof) that we love, as much as his ripped physique.

So to that end here is the collected wit and wisdom of Jason as revealed in True Blood Seasons 1 and 2…

In Season 1 we got to see the more (ahem) physical side of Jason, so the audience didn’t really have a chance to appreciate his native wit and unique take on life. However, in Season 1 Jason revealed that he was perceptive:

Jason to Lafayette: “You’re wearing gold pants!”;

and witty, even under extreme duress:

Jason to Lafayette: “I got gout of the dick!!!”

But Jason‘s greatest contribution to the wisdom of the ages (and a warning to men everywhere) was his “big bad of crazy’ rule:

Jason to Amy: “I should’ve known something wasn’t right the second you walked into my life carrying that big bag of crazy! ‘Cause any woman with a purse that big’s bound to have something in it I don’t wanna know about!”

In Season 2, with his body not much required for anything but exhibition, Jason really hit his intellectual and philosophical straps.

The audience discovered he was a biblical scholar in this exchange:

Luke – “Think you walk on water don’t you Stackhouse?” Jason – “I’m pretty sure that was Moses.”

And an existential philosopher of note with:

Jason to Andy: “It’s like if a tree falls in the woods it’s still a tree, ain’t it?”

and how about:

Jason to Andy: “Do you think Sam could turn into a chicken and lay his own egg. Wouldn’t that be weird, eatin’ something that just came out of you?”


Jason to Sam: “I smite thee, Sam Merlotte. DIE!”

We all marvelled at his musings on life, love and the nature of good and evil in these exchanges:

Jason to Sookie: “When you love somebody, you gotta love it all, or it ain’t love.”


Jason to Luke: “Evil is making the premedicated choice to be a dick”


Jason to Andy: “Do you think Sam ever turned into a dog and then made it with a female dog?”

and , of course:

Jason to Steve: “I reckon I’ve already been to heaven and it’s inside your wife.”

And who could forget that subtle and profound question:

“Explain Europe to me?”

Wouldn’t we all like to have Europe explained.  Anyone?… Anyone?… Alan Ball? … Anyone?

Ah Jason, Jason, Jason, we love you and, yes, we too “love the smell of nail polish in the morning.”

(Photo credits: HBO Inc.; screencaps by James)