Reality Bites – Session 2: Premiere

June 20, 2010 by  

Every week, a diverse panel of Bon Temps residents gather to watch and discuss each new episode of HBO’s True Blood. The sessions are moderated by Nina Harken, a PhD candidate interested in finding out what the real folks of Bon Temps think of the portrayal of their town and their people on HBO’s hit series.

Session #2 – Premiere

NINA
Okay, welcome back, and here we are right after viewing the first episode of Season 3.  A lot going on.  I’m sure you all have your opinions and I’d love to hear them, so let’s just go around the room.

Remember, I ask you to be honest and respectful of those speaking.

HENRIETTA
Thank you, Ms. Nina.  While I understand it was not the center of this episode, I must say that I am thrilled that God has returned – and not in the fanatical sense that was last season.  The attempt that Tara’s mama made to save her daughter by bringing her back to God was a glorious gesture.

NATHAN
Well..the Bill and Sam thing…you know…the…moment…or whatever…was, uh, interesting…

ELIJAH
Yes, it was.

NATHAN
But, I mean, there was no shortage of nudity across the board.

ELIJAH
Mmmm-hmmm.  Eric?  Check.  Sam?  Check.  Dear William?  Check.  And of course, a few choice ladies flautin’ their wares…Mmm…delicious.

HENRIETTA
Oh, my.

ELIJAH
Come now, Ms. Hawthorne. It’s just God’s creatures in all their glory.

NINA
Anything else, Elijah?

ELIJAH
Mmmmm…I do appreciate the representation of their Magister – certainly a prick.

NINA
Tracy?

TRACY
Well.. I’m not really sure…it’s as though just when I thought I’d have something to say about the episode, it was over.

CHUCK
Yeah. Nothin’ happened. It was like a whole bunch of set-ups with no pay-off. Damn. A whole hour of sittin’ and waitin’ for something to happen. It’s like the only thing that caught my attention, besides the titties, was the car flippin’ over.

NINA
I see. Thank you. Byron?

BYRON
Yes, ma’am. First, being a former military man, I was impressed to see Terry reaching out to Andy, even though it wasn’t necessarily Andy who was in need. I also understand first hand what Jason is going through. It’ll be interesting to see how that issue is resolved.

MADISON
And O.M.Godric – Eric. So sexy.

[MRS. AVERY
Madison!]

MADISON
Mom… Oh, and six hours? Is that even possible?

ELIJAH
There are twelve hours of darkness in the winter months.

HENRIETTA
Child, you watch your mouth. No girl your age should be havin’ such comments.

MADISON
Yeah… anyway.. um, I don’t know – I felt kinda bad for Jessica. I mean, she was all alone after killing somebody. Bill wasn’t around to help her out and then Hoyt was all giving her flowers and he was all upset that she hung up on him but then those girls wanted to do stuff and Hoyt wouldn’t do it– so cute.

NINA
Thank you, everyone. Now, I noticed that not a single one of you brought up Sookie and Bill – other than Bill’s moment with Sam. Would anyone like to comment?

CHUCK
All I gotta say is they keep showin’ that scene on the previews where Sookie is over Eric in nothin’ but a bra and panties – now when’s that gonna happen?

NINA
Okay —

CHUCK
I mean it. Love that girl’s rack.

TRACY
…Real Classy…

CHUCK
You’re one to talk.

HENRIETTA
I for one hope that Mr. Compton does not make it back to Bon Temps. Then Sookie can settle down with a nice, God-fearing man, like that Hoyt.

MADISON
But Hoyt loves Jessica.

ELIJAH
Hoyt only loves the fact that Jessica is a vampire because that makes her different, like him.  But I can understand why he loves vampires.

[Elijah leans back in his chair and grins.]

NATHAN
I found it interesting that Bill didn’t actually kill that old woman.  I mean she was old and lived by herself.  Nobody would have noticed that she was gone.  We know Bill can kill, as we saw with Uncle Bartlett.  Maybe Sookie has actually reawakened the human parts of Bill.  I’d like to see them get back together so that story line can develop.

ELIJAH
You’re not as dumb as I thought you were.

NATHAN
And you’re not as attractive as you think you are.

[Elijah’s fangs descend and slams his palms on the table.]

NINA
Gentleman please, this isn’t helping.  Byron, you’ve been quiet.

BYRON
The leader of the faction attempting to kidnap Mr. Compton clearly did not instill a sense of discipline in his men.  They were very disorganized, which was evident by the fact that Mr. Compton escaped.  If those men were indeed werewolves, then I don’t think Mr. Compton will be so easily apprehended in the future.

TRACY
It was only the first episode.

NINA
So it was.  Well, I think that’s a good start for now.  We’ll all meet back here next Sunday at 9PM so we can sink our teeth into the next episode of True Blood.

This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement.  “Reality Bites” and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.

Header Credit: K. Rose

Authors: Cory Brin and Sarah Pugh

Share
  • Jolin Payne

    Great article,entertaining and keeps people reading it interested.