What’s Cookin’ – Merlotte’s Saturday Night Special

August 31, 2009 by  


Lafayette comin’ atcha here. Youse know that I am an Entrepreneur!  I work on da road crew to keep myself lookin’ hot and SEXAY and line my pockets with a little jingle.  Then at nights I cook at Merlotte‘s bar where all the local necks hang out.  So now I’m branchin’ out and I’m goin’ to be Bon Temps version of da BAM! man.  I mean no one has more Bam! Bam! Bam! than ‘lil ole me!  And I kin cook too! Every week or so I’m going to teach y’all to make food good enough to melt even Nan Flanagan‘s heart. Bon Chika Wow Wow – Appetit!

Merlotte’s Saturday Night Special

Child, it’s your boy Lafayette – back in full effect.  I got another recipe for ya, but ya know me – I gotsta tell a lil story to go along wid it..  Hookah, I am tired.  I been busy pushing that “V” for Eric, I’m back at Merlotte‘s throwing down in Sam‘s kitchen while he’s off dealing with his drama and I been trying to look out for Tara and Sookie.  Them heffers is running me ragged.  Between trying to keep Sookie out of hot water and Tara away from Maryann with her crazy self, I hadn’t even had much time to work on my other entrepreneurial projects.  Ya know I got dat internet thang goin’ on – I just ain’t had much time lately to turn that motha out.  Ya boy is hot with a capital “H” and I ain’t even much been on my webcam since I popped back on da scene.  I wouldn’t looked too fine wid dat bullethole in ma leg, but I’m finna get my site back up and when I do, dat heat up in Merlotte‘s kitchen ain’t going to have nothin’ on my website.  Matter of fact, dis here is a recipe you can make in yo crockpot.  You can jus throw it all in da slow cooker and let it simmer.  Marinate on that, playas!  In da meantime, I gotsta keep you mofos eatin’ good.

Alright Hookah, let’s get back to da bidness at hand – dat Now this recipe will tell ya how to cook one of Bon Temps’ fine lil furry friends.  You know I always got a hustle goin’ and I likes to always have a little extra cheddar on hand – cash, that is.  Cabbage.  Ends.  Call it what you want, but it cost to feed a family these days, so I gotsta give my people da hookup.  Dis here is one of the favorites on Merlotte‘s Saturday night menu.  It don’t cost much to hook up and it saves Sam a whole lot on dat bottom line of his.

Ima let y’all on in a lil secret, but ya can’t tell nobody – Sam think nobody know dis, but he be having a whole lotta green in dat safe of his.  I ain’t never tell nobody dat and I just act like I ain’t know dat, but one of the reasons he has so much green, is ‘cuz he know I know how to make a dollar outta fifteen cents.  I do dat for myself and I do dat for Sam – and dat adds up in da long run.

There ain’t much to dis here recipe, but it sho taste good.


1 Rabbit (don’t let Maryann give ya one of hers – child, that thang crazy & I ain’t trust nothing she do)
Creole seasoning & a lot of cayenne pepper
1 cup of sour cream
1 small yellow onion, chopped
1 stalk of celery, chopped
1 green bell pepper, chopped
1/2 teaspoon of Worcestershire sauce (yeah, yo boy loves him some Worcestershire sauce)
1 can of cream of mushroom soup


Okay, heffer.  You gotsta cut up dat meat and season it real good.  Spice it up like I do dat internet when I be on it twerkin’ it.  Throw all those ingredients in da crockpot and leave it cookin’ on low for about 8 hours.  Dat gives ya enough time to do what ya gotta do, whether that be work or whateva.  At Merlotte‘s, we serve dat sauce over rice.  Dem necks love dat.  You probably could throw it on some homemade mashed potatoes, too.  Dat sauce be so good, it really don’t matter what ya put it on (wink, wink).  Now if you servin’ any Maenads, watch out . . . dey go off when dey eat wild game.  They be punchin’ and kickin’ each other, and dat’s before they be havin’ relations all over Bon Temps.  If you just servin’ vampires, you should be safe – I don’t think dey do anything too wild after eating’ game.  If you servin’ necks, ya gotta watch dem no matter what ya servin’ – they be on that liquor and ya just neva know what dey gon do next.

Until next time, ma peoples, keep it real and keep it 100.  Ya boy gots stuff to do and you best believe I’m finna handle up on dat.


(Photo credit: Prosenghisi)

(Photo credit: HBO)

Graphics Creation Credits: Steven Easterly

To check out my other Bon Chika Wow Wow dishes see the archives!

Disclaimer: These recipes are provided for entertainment and culinary purposes only and should be made by ordinary humans only with ordinary ingredients.  This column is a parody of the Gothic fantasy series, True Blood, and as such, is presented here for your amusement.  What’s Cookin’ and the various writers that contribute to it, have no relationship/affiliation to HBO, True Blood, or any of the cast or crew of said nor any relation to Charlain Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse novels.